Beautiful Insanity
by Warriorcat890
Summary: Swiftpaw is Cloudtail rejects Her Clan laughs at her behind her Bluestar renamed her .. Things can't seem to get any worse for Brightpaw after the dog attack, but things are about to What will happen if Brightpaw loses her insanity? What if she vows to get revenge on all of those who hurt her? A Brightheart "What If?" I suck at
1. Prologue: A Pact in Blood

_Beautiful Insanity - Prologue_

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Welcome.

This is my "What If?" Brightheart story.

What if Brightheart went totally insane after Bluestar changed her name to Lostface? What if she found out that Cloudtail took another mate? What if her Clan-mates rejected her? What if she vowed to exact her revenge?

Would she be able to kill her Clan-mates?

Read on to find out.

**Oh, and I will try to follow _A Dangerous Path_ as closely as I can, but I will make this story my own obviously. Things will change, but the main ideas from the first series-the important details-will remain the same and will still occur. Things will just be different.**

**I just wanna state right now that I do not own Warriors. I am posting it now and I will not post it again. If you haven't gathered that I am not Erin Hunter by now, then... I don't know. XD**

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**ρяσℓσgυє - α ραcт ιη вℓσσ∂**

Her white fur was drenched in blood. The ginger patches were almost completely concealed by the crimson liquid that pooled around her body. A few fox-lengths away lay the body of her best friend, his body torn apart by the large, sharp teeth of the dogs. Blood had ceased flowing from his wounds; there was none left in his body to leave. The she-cats heart was beating, and the majority of her body was still intact, but she could hardly feel her face. At first, she felt a searing pain that was so excruciating it knocked her unconscious, but now, there was no feeling at all. It was as if all the nerve-endings connecting to her face had been ripped away.

She couldn't imagine how she looked; she had been pretty before this. Most of the toms in the apprentices' den practically drooled over her. Swiftpaw and Cloudpaw constantly battled for her affections. She was loved. She was desired. She was happy. However, she seemed to be the only one who was content. Cloudpaw had recently been made a warrior—Cloudtail—and the rest of them had been "forgotten" by their leader, Bluestar. Swiftpaw was furious that Cloudtail had received his warrior name before him and came up with a mischievous plan to get noticed.

He had come into the apprentices' den and explained his proposal to all the other apprentices. Swiftpaw believed that if a group of apprentices went to Snakerocks and found the creature that had been slaying rabbits on ThunderClan territory Bluestar would have to make them all warriors! No one agreed with him, and they soon came to a consensus that it was too dangerous. She didn't want to go with him—she agreed with the others that it was mouse-brained, but Swiftpaw used his charm to convince her otherwise. He promised her a warrior name. He promised her honor. And, above all else, she promised him himself. If she went with him, things would be different—he wouldn't get so angry when Cloudtail spoke to her—and he would love her. She couldn't say no then, and he knew it.

She swore to him that she would follow him to the edge of the earth. She would follow him to StarClan. She told him that she loved him, and he returned that love to her. At that moment, they made a pact together—a pact that declared that, even if they fell out of love, they would be friends forever. They would stand by the other's side and protect them. They both made that vow to one another. She was the one who broke it.

The pair had gone to Snakerocks alone and had found a giant cave hidden in the various rocks there. Few cats hunted here because of the threat of adders hiding in the stones, and not many new the layout well, so it wasn't surprising that they'd found this cave. Swiftpaw had gone straight up to the entrance boldly, but she had hung back. She didn't like the scent that was around them; it made her feel uneasy. She told him this, but he dismissed her saying she was acting like a fearful kit.

If she had gone with him to the mouth of the cave, she had no idea what would have become of her—Swiftpaw's body had been swarmed by large brown and black pelts in a matter of moments. She could remember her panic and horror when she saw the scene unfold. Blood spewed everywhere and the entrails of her friend fell to the ground in a bloody heap as the dogs tugged at his limbs and virtually pulled Swiftpaw's body apart.

For a few moments, selfish relief flooded over her—she thought that the dogs would not notice her. They would let her go.

But no.

A large, fearsome dog—the alpha—leapt up onto a nearby stone. His eyes, the same color of Swiftpaw's blood, found her cowering in the shadows. He let out a deafening howl before speaking in a tongue that she could understand. "Pack, pack! Kill, kill!"

She couldn't even think about what had happened after that. Her body once again relived the pain, and she struggled to suppress it. She had been lucky; the dogs had satisfied most of their taste for flesh with Swiftpaw. In a sick way, he had sacrificed himself so she could live. She hated to think of it like that, but it was the way the situation was beginning to appear. Another, horrifying thought planted its seed in her: She was alive.

Swiftpaw was not.

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A/N: Did you like this chapter? Leave a review and let me know! If you've liked this story and you wanna see more like it, click on my username to see more.


	2. Pt 1 - Chapter 1: Friends to the End

_Beautiful Insanity - Part One, Chapter One_

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**ραят σηє: тнє ∂єѕcєηт**

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**1.1 - ƒяιєη∂ѕ тσ тнє єη∂**

"Brightpaw!"

"My kit! My poor kit!"

"Look at her face!"

"Great StarClan, what happened to her?"

"Hang on, Brightpaw! You'll be fine."

"StarClan has forsaken us!"

"What happened to her?! Brightpaw?!"

The last voice she recognized as Cloudtail's. _Go away!_ she wished she could snarl at him. _I don't want you here! I want Swiftpaw! Where is Swiftpaw? Why isn't no one panicking over him? He's hurt worse than I am! He needs to see Cinderpelt!_ She wanted to know where Swiftpaw was. She wanted to make sure that he was alright and that he was getting medical attention. _They can't give up on him!_

Brightpaw struggled to keep her consciousness, but was soon knocked out again by the pain. This time, however, she did not see the horrifying blackness that usually plagued her; this time she dreamed.

She was sitting on Highrock in the ThunderClan camp, looking down at all the Clan below. She could see Tigerclaw, Darkstripe and Longtail sitting at the base of the rock, organizing patrols. Fireheart and Graystripe were seated by the apprentices' den waiting for Cinderpaw and Brackenpaw to emerge. Despite all this, something in particular caught her eye: she saw a single kit playing outside the nursery. Upon closer inspection, she recognized it as a much smaller and younger version of herself. Curious, she descended the stone and plodded over. Young Brightkit played with a ball of moss all by herself a few tail-lengths away from the nursery. She tossed it back and forth between her paws and pounced on it every now and then to add a variation to the routine. Brightpaw could remember this—she pretended that she liked being on her own as a kit, but she truly didn't. She hated the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that she received when she played by herself, but none of the other kits liked playing with her. Cinderpaw and Brackenpaw, her older siblings, had become apprentices a few moons earlier, and she and her brother, Thornkit, were the only kits in the nursery. There was also Swiftkit, Willowpelt's son, but Brightkit didn't like him very much because he teased her constantly. However, Brindleface had just moved into the nursery and was expecting kits, but it would still be a long time before she gave birth.

The apprentice watched as a small, black-and-white tom hesitantly padded over to her younger self. "Hey, Brightkit," the tom mewed.

Brightkit turned to look at him, and sighed when she saw who it was. "Oh… Hi, Swiftkit," she murmured half-heartedly. She braced herself for him to start making fun of her; she was used to it now. There had been many times she wanted to claw his ears off, but her mother, Frostfur, had simply told her to ignore him. She told Brightkit that the best way to defeat those who harmed her was to kill them with kindness. Brightkit always thought that was a load of fox-dung, but never said so; she did as he mother said and was civil, but not exactly welcoming.

"Why are you over here all by yourself?" he queried innocently. Brightkit scooted away from him as the other kit flopped down beside her. She watched with a mixture of disgust and annoyance as he licked his paw casually as if he hadn't been mocking her the day before.

She bit back a harsh retort and glared at the ground. "I want to be by myself," she lied. She didn't want to be alone; she wanted to have someone to talk to, someone to play with. Her brother, Thornkit, was supportive, but he wasn't really her friend. They were forced to stick together because they were siblings. Brightkit didn't have anyone who liked her for who she really was.

Swiftkit sniffed indignantly. "I don't believe that. I don't understand why you lie to me."

Brightkit couldn't take it anymore. She let out an annoyed hiss and leapt to her paws. Growling, she spun around to face him, tiny claws unsheathed. "Because if I told you the truth, you would just laugh at me! If I told you that I didn't have any friends, the only thing you would do is make fun of me all day, and I don't need that! In a few moons, I'll be an apprentice and I'll have plenty of friends!"

The tom sat there in a stunned silence as Brightkit's flanks rapidly rose and fell with her labored breath. She was tired of him being mean to her, and wasn't about to put up with it any longer. Swiftkit looked away for a moment and watched a beetle crawl across the camp floor sadly. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, Brightkit. I didn't know that you would think I was mean… I was just kidding."

Brightkit let out a scornful snort. "'Just kidding'!" she repeated. "I bet you were."

Swiftkit rose to his paws and padded to her side slowly. "I mean it, Brightkit! I didn't want to make you sad… I was just playing around. I actually like you, Brightkit. You're fun."

"Fun to mess with?" she sneered, baring her small, sharp teeth at him.

He shot her a glare and shook his head. "No! I mean you're fun to play with… fun to be with. You always have good ideas and you're really smart."

Brightkit shot him a curious and hopeful glance. Did he mean that? Or was he going to take in back in two seconds and laugh? She couldn't be too sure. "You mean it?" she asked, fearing the snicker that usually followed.

Swiftkit smiled weakly. "Yeah. I do."

The emotions she felt were indescribable. She felt the urge to jump up and down and let out a jubilant shout. However, she managed to contain the majority of her enjoyment. Only allowing a smile and a small purr, she nudged him. "Well… thanks."

He smiled back and let out a small purr. "You know, Brightkit, you're the only friend I have."

She looked up at him, her eyes bright. "I didn't even know I was your friend," she admitted quietly.

"Well I don't see why we wouldn't be… well… I guess I do now," he admitted quietly. "I really didn't mean to upset you, Brightkit."

Letting out a small purr, she nuzzled him. "It's okay now… It was just a misunderstanding I guess. We can be friends… best friends!"

Swiftkit nodded in agreement. "Friends to the end!" Swiftkit told the young Brightkit. Suddenly, Swiftkit looked to the older Brightpaw who stood, watching the memory play out. Swiftkit gave her an evil glare and took a few steps toward her. "At least I thought so!" he hissed. "But no. You abandoned me! You didn't help me!_ You let me die!_" he snarled at her.

Brightpaw took a step back, startled by his tone, and the fact that he was even addressing her. Then, the camp around them began to fade away. Swiftkit grew into Swiftpaw, and the wounds the dogs had inflicted on his body began to form. Blood gushed from all of his lesions and kept flowing until it created a pool at her paws. Brightpaw's hackles rose in fear and she leapt back, away from the crimson liquid, but it kept rising and rising and eventually reached her belly fur. Swiftpaw's eyes had turned a frightening red color they bore into her as she let out a petrified yowl. "Friends to the end," he kept whispering. "Friends to the end… You promise… you promised…"

Panic planted its seed inside of her and it became rooted deep within her core. The blood kept rising and soon, she was floating in the midst of it. She could hear the alpha's voice clear as day, resounding in her head. "_Pack, pack… kill, kill…_" Struggling to keep her head above the water, she called for help. She called for Cinderpelt, for Brackenfur, for Thornpaw, for Cloudtail, for Swiftpaw—for anyone who could hear her. Finally, the blood cut off her screech as she was entirely engulfed, lost in a sea of blood.

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A/N: did you like this chapter? Leave a review and let me know! If you've liked this story and you wanna see more like it, click on my username to see more.


	3. Pt 1 - Chapter 2 : Wounded and Abandoned

_Beautiful Insanity - Part One, Chapter Two_

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**1.2 ωσυη∂є∂ αη∂ αвαη∂σηє∂**

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Brightpaw was jerked out of her nightmare by a gentle prod in the side. Her head twisted around to come face to face with her sister and medicine cat, Cinderpelt. Her sister's blue eyes were clouded over with sadness as she gazed at her, making the apprentice feel rather uncomfortable. She wanted to speak, but her mouth was dry. So many questions shot around her brain chaotically that she couldn't even find one in particular to focus on. She cleared her throat quietly, and finally forced out one word; a name: "Swiftpaw."

Cinderpelt hung her head. "Brightpaw… I don't know how to tell you this exactly… but you and Swiftpaw were both in a very… very horrible accident…" the older cat trailed off, her eyes brows pinching in concentration as she struggled to find words to explain. "You were both… attacked by the dog pack that has been pillaging the forest… You s—" she cut off, picking her words carefully. "You… were not hurt as badly as he was… Your face took most of the damage."

"Where is Swiftpaw?" Brightpaw demanded, beginning to lose her patience. "Where is he? Did you look at his injuries?"

The medicine cat's head fell in defeat. Slowly, she looked up at her sister with heavy, remorseful eyes. "Brightpaw… I'm so, so sorry…" she whispered, her own voice breaking in the process. "Swiftpaw… Swiftpaw died before Fireheart could even bring him back to camp."

The words hit Brightpaw like a blow from a senior warrior in the gut. She just sat there, in shock, unable to believe what she had just heard. Swiftpaw, her best friend, the cat she might have even loved, was dead. _It can't be!_ she thought desperately. _It just can't be!_

"Your face is badly damage—" Cinderpelt began, but Brightpaw cut her off.

"I don't care about my face!" she snarled.

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath Highrock for a Clan meeting!" Bluestar's voice rung throughout the camp.

Cinderpelt looked toward the den entrance, ears pricked, and then looked back to Brightpaw. "Excuse me for a moment," she murmured before limping outside. Normally, Brightpaw would have looked upon her sister with sympathy—she had been hit by a monster on the Thunderpath shortly after becoming an apprentice and damaged one of her hind legs beyond repair—but she had none today. She doubted she could ever feel anything for anyone again after what she had just learned.

Brightpaw could only hear bits and pieces of the Clan meeting that was going on outside. She often heard Bluestar's voice, and would occasionally hear Whitestorm's, Fireheart's, or even Longtail's. "WindClan has been stealing our prey!" Bluestar kept repeating, and it seemed that both Whitestorm and Fireheart were struggling to convince her otherwise.

"If it is WindClan than who killed Swifpaw?!" Longtail yowled. Brightpaw could clearly hear him when he spoke, so he must've been sitting nearby. "Who mauled Brightpaw and ripped her face off?!"

It took a few moments for those words to really hit the apprentice. She replayed his words over and over in her head, reciting them like a mantra. _"Ripped her face off"… "Ripped her face off"... What do you mean "ripped her face off"?! What's wrong with my face?!_

"She could die!" Cloudtail suddenly joined the conversation. "Last night, you refused to give her a warrior name! They were just trying to help the Clan, and you don't even honor them for that?! Don't you think she deserves to be honored—"

"Honored for what?" Bluestar spat with distaste. "For her stupidity? Honored for breaking the rules?! For disobeying her leader?!"

Her leader's words cut through Brightpaw like a sharpened blade intended to kill. She knew that Bluestar wasn't exactly… mentally stable as of late, but her words still struck Brightpaw violently.

Whitestorm said something that Brightpaw didn't catch, and there was a period of silence after that, or at least she thought so. They could have been talking at normal volume and she wouldn't have heard them. Her right ear seemed to be having a difficult time gathering not just words, but sound in general. It was more difficult for her to hear on that side and she didn't know why. Her right eye also seemed to be perpetually shut. She had no pain, but no sight either. It was a bizarre feeling, but she hadn't thought much of it before._ "Ripped her face off!"_ Longtail's voice resounded in her head, but she shoved it away. She was fine.

She felt the thudding of paws before she heard or smelled their owners approaching her. Bluestar, Fireheart, Whitestorm, Cloudtail, Longtail, and Cinderpelt squeezed into the small medicine cat den. The ThunderClan leader's eyes were hard and cold as they gazed at her. "I, Bluestar, call my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. She has given her life in the service of her Clan and I commend her as a warrior in her turn. She will be known as Lostface, so that every cat knows what StarClan did to take her from us!" she yowled.

Cloudtail's eyes widened in outrage. "But that's a cruel name! What if she lives?" Brightpaw could see that her friend was now livid and two steps away from clawing his own leader. Brightpaw had to agree with him; Lostface was a horrible name! She didn't want to be called that! Quickly though, her selflessness silenced her despair. _Is this my punishment for going with Swiftpaw? Or is this StarClan punishing me for abandoning Swiftpaw to die? Perhaps I should die… Everyone apparently thinks I will!_

"Bluestar, I don't think Brightpaw will die," Cinderpelt suddenly piped up.

The blue-gray she-cat shook her head stubbornly. "My Clan is forsaken. StarClan will take every last one of my Clan-mates before they are done with me. If the cat lives, then we will all have the more reason to remember what StarClan have brought us to. They will have this warrior as Lostface, or not at all. Let StarClan receive her by the name of Lostface. There, it is done!" With that, she whipped around and stalked out of the den.

"I am sorry Bright… Lostface," Fireheart mewed quietly before retreating from the den. Whitestorm just looked on in a grim silence before following the ginger tom. Longtail left a moment later, leaving her alone with Cloudtail and Cinderpelt. Lostface looked up at Cloudtail with sadness in her eyes, and he looked back, bereft of all emotion. He opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it again and fled from the den.

"How are you feeling, Brightpaw?" Cinderpelt asked when they were gone. "How is your face?"

Lostface refused to look at her sister and focused on the dirt floor of the den. "Shouldn't you start calling me Lostface?" she asked tiredly. Now, she wanted to die. She wanted to be with Swiftpaw again and forget that any of this ever happened.

Cinderpelt let out an exhausted sigh and sat down beside her. Carefully, the gray she-cat began to like the new warrior's pelt. "I'm not going to call you that, Brightpaw."

"Cinderpelt I need you to tell me: Why do they say that my face is gone? Why can't I hear from my right ear? Why can't I see from my right eye? I need to know."

The medicine cat sighed. "Every moment I feel like I'm aging five more moons… When the dog attacked you, it… well it attacked your face really. It took your eye and ear and most of the muscles in your cheek were destroyed. I did what I could to heal it, and it seems to be a little better now. It isn't bleeding, and I think that you will recover, but no one else seems to think so. You're a survivor, Brightpaw. I know you are. You can pull through this."

Sighing, I looked outside just in time to see Ashpaw and Fernpaw rush across camp to their mentors. Their lives would proceed as normal. Everyone's lives would proceed as normal as if nothing ever happened. _They_ didn't get their face ripped off by a dog! They were fine. They didn't need to worry! They could abandon her and just pretend that she is dead. Out of sight, out of mind… Everyone—even Cloudtail and her mentor, Whitestorm—had abandoned her. She was alone. All alone.

Cinderpelt seemed to guess what the younger cat was thinking. "You're not alone in this, Brightpaw."

"Yes I am…" she half-whimpered. She felt pathetic. She felt lousy. She felt useless. _I am useless! No wonder they want nothing to do with me!_

"No you're not!" the gray cat replied. "I'm with you."

Lostface sighed dejectedly. She wished that was enough.

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A/N: Did you like this chapter? Leave a review and let me know! If you've liked what you've read here and wanna read more, click on my username to read more!


	4. Pt 1 - Chapter 3: Crushed Like A Bug

_Beautiful Insanity - Part One, Chapter Three_

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**1.3 - cяυѕнє∂ ℓιкє α вυg**

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"How are you feeling today, Brightpaw?" Cinderpelt inquired innocently. Lostface knew that her sister was only trying to cheer her up; make her happy. Easier said than done. The last thing Lostface felt like doing at the time was be happy. _Why should I be happy?_ she thought resentfully. _My face is gone and Bluestar gave me the worst warrior name anyone could ever ask for!_

"Fine," she lied, resting her head on her paws. It had been about a week since her "warrior" ceremony, and she was still confined to the medicine cat den. She didn't know what she would do once she got out; she was handicapped now. Even though she had only lost one eye and one ear, cats acted as if she had gone completely deaf; she heard their cruel whispers. They all thought that she should retire to the elders' den immediately. They didn't think she could do anything now. They were _ashamed_ of her.

_I'm hideous,_ she finally decided. _Absolutely hideous._ She hadn't seen herself since her accident, but she didn't need to. She knew that she was ugly just by the way her own Clan-mates spoke about her. She didn't understand why cats could be so harsh to her; granted they didn't know that she could hear them, but it was still so nasty. What had she done to them? What had she done to earn their scorn?

_Nothing,_ she finally concluded. She hadn't done a bad thing to any of them, but they persisted to hate and jeer at her. Why?

"I don't believe that," Cinderpelt commented, breaking her train of thought. "I can't imagine how hard this is for you, Brightpaw, but you cannot let it control you like this. You need to move on with your life."

"How?!" Lostface snarled. Her head shot up and whipped around to glare at the crippled medicine cat. "How in the name of StarClan am I supposed to 'move on'?!"

Cinderpelt did not flinch away from her mangled, unpleasant face. She just stood there, a pile of herbs at her paws, gazing at her injured sister with a sympathetic look in her eyes. "I don't know, Brightpaw," she admitted sadly. "I don't know…"

Lostface opened her jaws to snap at her again, but was cut off by the pounding of paws. She turned and looked toward the den entrance just in time to see a familiar white pelt appear. Cloudtail slipped into the den, his blue eyes shining in the shadows of the vestibule. "Hello, Cinderpelt. Hello, Brightpaw."

Something stirred inside Lostface when she heard Cloudtail use her apprentice name. A mixture of rage and happiness rose within her; it was so bizarre that she hardly understood it at all. She was so glad that he could look upon her without the slightest trace of fear, but so angry that he addressed her. _Why am I so angry with him?_ she wondered. Before Swiftpaw had even had the notion to go looking for the dogs, she and Cloudtail had been so close. _I thought for sure that we would have been mates… but I loved Swiftpaw too… Then Cloudtail became a warrior and Swiftpaw was overwhelmed with jealousy… Cloudtail's warrior ceremony drove him to do it… Cloudtail killed him._

"Hello, Cloudtail," Cinderpelt answered with a small smile. "Did you need something?"

The white-furred warrior shook his head. "No, I just came to visit Brightpaw."

Her heart fluttered slightly. She struggled to find words, but her mind drew a blank as Cloudtail gazed at her with kind, reassuring eyes. She suddenly felt as if everything would be alright, but she knew that wasn't true. For a moment, though, fantasizing was nice.

"How are you doing?" he inquired solicitously, taking a seat next to her nest.

"Oh, I'm… alright… Well I'm as okay as anyone could be," she corrected, fumbling over her own words.

He seemed to find this amusing; his whiskers twitched. "That's good… I heard that Fireheart was gonna drop by later to ask you about…" he trailed off, stiffening slightly.

"The attack," Lostface finished. It wasn't hard to guess what the ginger deputy would be coming to her to talk about. She understood why: he needed details so that he could make sure nothing like what happened to her happened to anyone else. _Maybe… maybe I can help protect other cats,_ she thought with little hope. The idea, while it was nice, didn't inspire her in the slightest. _Then again, why should I protect those who are unkind to me?_

Cloudtail nodded. "Yes… that…" The air between the two suddenly became very awkward. He wasn't just avoiding her gaze, but not looking at her entirely. He kept his gaze occupied with a small ant crawling across the floor. In one swift movement, he crushed it under his paw. After that, he rose, bid her farewell, and left.

Lostface watched him go, tears brimming in her eyes. Not even her beloved Cloudtail cared for her anymore. Taking in a deep breath, she shook her head slightly. _No,_ she thought stubbornly. _I will not cry for him._ She looked at the now compressed ant and couldn't help but feel a kinship with it. Sighing, she placed her own paw over the bug's corpse. _I know how you feel… You and I are in the same predicament._

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A/N: Did you like this chapter? Leave a review and let me know! If you've liked what you've read here and you wanna read more, click on my username to read more.


	5. Pt 1 - Chapter 4: I am a Monster

_Beautiful Insanity - Part One, Chapter Four_

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I would just like to apologize ahead of time if you see any [I][/I] in the writing. I posted this on another site where those are necessary to make italics, and I tried to go through and delete them all, but if I missed one, don't freak out. It was a minor mistake.

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**1.4 – ι αм α мσηѕтєя**

Lostface lay in her nest, gazing tiredly at the dismal stone walls of the medicine cat den. The different scents of the herbs were starting to clog her brain and give her a headache. She wanted to go outside and soak in the last warm rays the autumn sun could provide before leaf-bare struck, but she dared not set paw outside the den. She didn't want the others to look at her and gawk at her mutilated face. Was she doomed to remain in the shadows of the medicine cat den forever? Hidden from sight? It would be a dreary existence… in fact, it would hardly be an existence at all!

She now occupied most of her time watching the Clan go about a normal. She could see that Fireheart was still desperately trying to solve the mystery behind the dog pack. He and Whitestorm worked tirelessly to figure out a solution, but neither had come to question her. Cinderpelt had said that the pair wanted to give her time to recover from the ordeal before bringing up the awful memories. _Why wait?_ Lostface wondered as she watched Brindleface and Whitestorm share a pigeon just outside the warriors' den. _I would rather answer their questions than lie here like a useless bone-bag._

As if he could hear her thoughts, Lostface's head shot up as she noticed Fireheart approaching the medicine cat den. The injured she-cat gave her chest a few quick licks, her ears feeling rather hot. Fireheart was a very handsome tom—too old for her of course, but handsome nonetheless. As he entered the den, the ginger deputy gave both she-cats a friendly nod in greeting before looking directly at Lostface. He opened his jaws to say something, but stopped; he seemed to be struggling with his words. "Uh… Lostface, may I speak with you? Outside the camp?"

Her heartbeat accelerated dramatically as she gave him a small nod. Gulping she pushed herself to her paws. The last thing she wanted was to face her Clan-mates—she shook at the thought—but she knew that she would have to eventually. Fireheart gave her an encouraging smile before slipping out of the den. Lostface cast a grave look over her shoulder at her sister before following the deputy.

All conversation came to a sudden halt as Lostface appeared at the mouth of the den. The cats looked at her in with grim silence; some looked sympathetic, some indifferent, and some disgusted. Lostface just kept moving, her one remaining ear flattened against her head, and her tail low. She had never felt so vulnerable in her life, even when she had been mauled by the pack. The only thing she could do was stick close to Fireheart's side, which she did. Whitestorm and Sandstorm met them outside of camp and led her further away from camp.

Lostface hadn't been out of the medicine cat since the accident let alone the camp, and as she set foot on the forest floor for the first time in what seemed like ages, a part of her felt like it was healing. Whitestorm led the way toward the tree-cut place, Sandstorm and Fireheart following closely behind. The pair walked beside each other, pelts brushing and tails partially entwined. Lostface gazed at them longingly, even somewhat enviously. She wished that she could do that with Cloudtail… or Swiftpaw. But that was impossible. No tom would want her now, not with her face being the way it was. Her chance at love and romance was over, and she had failed.

A recent drizzle had left the forest unusually wet and as they came to the tree-cut place, the whole area was littered with muddy puddles. The place that was usually alive with the rumble of the Twoleg monsters was eerily silent in the mildly warm, autumn morning. Lostface had no idea why the three warriors had taken her here, but she didn't speak as Whitestorm and Fireheart began to talk quietly to one another. She stood awkwardly still, glancing around at the barren land, occasionally glancing into a puddle. Only able to see a faint outline of her reflection in most of the puddles, Lostface began to wander about, looking for a puddle clear enough where she could get a good look at herself. She didn't know why—who would want to look at her?—but she felt that she just… _needed_ to see her face. She wanted to know what struck fear into the hearts of her Clan-mates.

Finally, she found a puddle that was oddly clear. It was not murky like the others, and was rather shallow. Despite her determination to go through with it, she could never have been prepared for the sight that greeted her. The right side of her face was all but demolished. The white fur was missing and from her jaw all the way up to her forehead. Her right eye was gone, and her eyelids were clamped shut. The bare skin had a strange, textured look that looked rather grisly. She was hideous.

_I'm a monster,_ she thought, horrified.

"Lostface, can you come over here, please?" Whitestorm called from a pile of tree trunks that were uniformly stacked on top of each other. Lostface, now sick to her stomach, padded over slowly. Her legs shook with dismay and revulsion and this new revelation, but she eventually reached them. Fireheart looked almost unsure of himself as he exchanged a quick glance with Whitestorm. The senior warrior looked on calmly, not bothered by the situation, but the same could not be said for Sandstorm. The pale ginger she-cat's hackles were up, and her pelt was bristling, but not from Lostface's appearance. The younger cat knew that the unnatural feeling the tree-cut place had was more than unnerving, and she shared Sandstorm's unease.

"What happened that day?" Fireheart inquired quietly. It was almost as if it pained him to ask it.

The young cat looked at her paws, the gazes of the three older cats burning into her being. "Swiftpaw was upset that Cloudtail was made a warrior, so he came up with the idea that… that if the apprentices found what was killing the rabbits, that we would all be made warriors… No one really agreed with him, but he eventually convinced me to go with him… So… so we went to Snakerocks… and…" She was trembling now. Memories came flooding back to her: Swiftpaw's yowl, the excited barks of the dogs, the alpha's chilling snarl, the searing pain, and then the pool of blood…

"It's alright, Lostface," Sandstorm mewed gently, resting her tail on the new warrior's shoulder. "Take your time."

She let out a quavering breath, her heart beating faster than she'd ever felt it go. "Swiftpaw saw the cave… he was curious… so… so he went to the mouth and then they just… swarmed him…" The alpha's voice echoed in her brain. _Pack, pack… Kill, kill…"_ The words swallowed her—they were all she could think of. "Pack, pack… kill, kill," she breathed. She repeated it over and over again like a mantra. She couldn't stop herself; the vivid memory of Swiftpaw's body getting torn to shreds replayed itself a thousand times in her mind.

"I knew it was too soon to ask her about it!" Fireheart snarled, glaring at Whitestorm.

Sandstorm wrapped her tail around Lostface's shoulders soothingly. "It's alright, Lostface. The dogs won't get you now. I promise."

"Sandstorm, can you take Lostface back to camp?" Fireheart asked the pretty she-cat. "Tell Cinderpelt to give her poppy seeds to calm her down."

The she-cat nodded and gently coaxed the petrified Lostface back into the safety of the forest.

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A/N: Did you like this chapter? Leave a review and let me know! If you've liked what you've read here and you wanna see more, click on my username to see more.


	6. Pt 1- Chapter 5: Enlightened by the Moon

_Beautiful Insanity - Part One, Chapter Five _

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**1.5 - єηℓιgнтєηє∂ ву тнє мσση**

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"Are you sure you'll be alright here all alone? It's not customary for a medicine cat to not share tongues with StarClan, but I'm sure that they would understand if I stayed here to keep an eye on you," Cinderpelt offered. Tonight was the half-moon, and Cinderpelt was due to go to the Moonstone to speak with their ancestors. Lostface had partially been dreading this day, and partially looking forward to it. She would enjoy the solitude it provided, but she was also terrified to be alone. She did not look forward to the emptiness the medicine cat den would have during her sister's absence.

"No," Lostface meowed quietly. "You should go… I think that the Clan will need StarClan's guidance in the upcoming days." Truthfully, Lostface didn't give two mouse tails about the Clan's needs. She decided that she wouldn't care about them anymore. They didn't care about her, so why should she trouble herself with the Clan's wants?

Cinderpelt looked at her thoughtfully. "If you insist, Brightpaw… I can't imagine that this is easy for you."

_It's not._ "I'll be fine," Lostface lied.

Her sister shot her a solicitous glance before padding toward the den entrance. I was late in the day, but not yet sunset and it was time for Cinderpelt to leave for the Moonstone. Soon, the setting sun would cast a vibrant array of colors across the sky and create a beautiful spectacle. Cinderpelt would see it on her journey to High Stones.

Lostface would not.

"Are you sure?" Cinderpelt called. She had halted half in and half out of the den and was looking over her shoulder. "I can stay if you want me to."

She shook her head again even though it pained her to do so. "No. You go. You haven't been out of this den in ages. Go breathe in the fresh air," she encouraged, trying to sound happy about the ordeal she was facing.

After studying her sister's face for a moment, Cinderpelt nodded swiftly before ducking out between the rocks, leaving Lostface alone. The poor cat sighed and rested her head on her paws. _Alone,_ she thought half-heartedly. She thought she would enjoy the seclusion, but now that she experienced it, it distressed her. The eerie silence of the medicine cat den made her feel emptier than ever before.

_Why do I always end up alone?_

* * *

The half-moon rose high in the sky as Lostface jerked awake from another nightmare. She had been plagued with these awful, disturbing, bloody dreams ever since the attack. They were starting to fade now—the attack was not as fresh in her mind as it had once been. As long as no one spoke of it to her, life could almost go on as normal.

But it would never be normal.

She was disfigured now.

No one would ever look at her the same way again.

Still groggy from sleep, but terrified from her nightmare, Lostface stumbled to the entrance of the den and flopped down on the threshold. The camp was silent and empty apart from the two guards standing watch at the entrance. With her good eye, Lostface peered at them closely; she thoughts she could make out Darkstripe as one of them, but wasn't sure. Directly across from her den was Highrock, and underneath that, Bluestar slept. Bitterness rushed through her as she thought of her Clan leader peacefully sleeping in her nest, not feeling the least bit remorseful for what she did to her.

Lostface abruptly shook her head. _No… Bluestar is going through so much right now. I can't even imagine… She isn't in the right state of mind, so you can't blame her for what she did._ Even though her mind urged her to understand, her claws flexed hotly. For a moment—just a moment—she envisioned herself hovering over the bluish-gray she-cat, preparing to sink her claws into the soft flesh of her face.

"I will make you pay," she murmured aloud softly. In her mind, she proceeded to slice her claws through Bluestar's face, making her yowl in agony…

She sank her claws into the dirt that had been softened by the autumn rain. _What in the name of StarClan are you doing?_ she hissed mentally at herself. i_Since when do you think like this? You're starting to sound like Tigerstar!_

The thought of her turning into the bloodthirsty, murderous tyrant made her shudder; that thought was enough to steer her away from such fantasies for now.

Desperate to distract herself, she looked up at the half-moon. Pale, ghostly light incandesced into the camp. This was one of the few open places in the forest—elsewhere, the tree branches were knit together so tightly that it was nearly impossible for moonlight to filter through the gaps. Lostface took a moment to thank her ancestors for choosing this spot for a camp.

The moon made her wonder if Cinderpelt was sharing tongues with StarClan at that very moment. Lostface couldn't help but wonder what it was like to step paw in StarClan's hunting grounds. _I__t must be so amazing… So tranquil… So pure… Something I will never feel._ She wondered for a fleeting moment if StarClan would now reject her like everyone else.

_Of course not,_ she growled at herself, glaring at the ground. _How could you even think that, you mouse-brain? Things will get better._

Sighing, she looked at the moon again. "Things will get better," she repeated aloud. _Everything and everyone goes through phases… even the moon. Soon, the new moon will come and it will go dark. There will be nothing in the sky for a few nights, but it always returns. Slowly, but surely, the moon gathers its strength again and soon reaches its fullness; its greatest potential. It is then that it shines so brightly that it pierces the darkness of the forest and illuminates the land with brilliant silver light. If the moon can disappear and return to its full glory, so can you, Brightpaw._

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A/N: Did you like this chapter? Leave a review and let me know! If you've liked what you've read here and you wanna read more, click on my username to see more! Don't forget that if you want to keep up-to-date with this story to follow and/or favorite it!


	7. Pt 1 - Chapter 6: Sparking a Fire

_Beautiful Insanity - Part One, Chapter Six_

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**1.6 – ѕραякιηg α ƒιяє**

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Lostface padded over to the fresh-kill pile, enjoying the feeling of the sunlight on her fur. She ignored the whispers of the other warriors that usually made her feel vulnerable, and panicky. Usually, they reminded her of the accident, reminded her of Swiftpaw, but not today. Lostface had promised herself that she would let nothing dampen her spirits; she was tired of allowing them to constantly put her down.

She didn't think she had ever seen Cinderpelt so happy in her life. Her sister, who also suffered from a permanent injury in her leg, did know what Lostface was going through. Lostface hadn't even been born when Cinderpelt had been hit by a monster on the Thunderpath, but she did remember Cinderpelt's long stage of depression where she did nothing but mope. It wasn't long after that that Yellowfang invited her to train as her apprentice, and things almost immediately got better. Lostface realized that if Cinderpelt could get over such a horrible injury, so could she.

Inspiration to keep going seemed to come from everywhere. It had been a week since she'd had her revelation from the moon, and she proceeded to get signs from everywhere—Cinderpelt's leg, the Clan recovering from the shock of Swiftpaw's death, Fireheart and Whitestorm learning more and more about the dog pack and discovering how to defeat them. Everyone was carrying on like always, so why should she subtract herself from that equation? She was still a part of the Clan! She belonged here no matter what they said.

"Hey, Brightpaw!" Fernpaw called from over by the apprentices' den.

Lostface glanced over and saw Fernpaw shrink away. Fernpaw must have seen the good side her face, and the bad side must have startled her. Almost immediately, her face brightened again. "Want to grab a piece of fresh-kill and share?" she asked.

With a nod, Lostface picked a squirrel from the pile and loped over to her friend. She dropped it at the apprentices' paw and took care to sit on the side of Fernpaw where the good side of her face was visible to her. "Is this alright?" she asked, trying not to feel self-conscious. She hadn't spoken to Fernpaw in ages, and didn't really know what to do.

"It's great!" Fernpaw purred, licking her lips hungrily. "I'm starved! I've been training all morning with Darkstripe. We're working on battle moves. He says that we need to be ready in case there's a war."

Lostface's ears pricked up. "War? Why would Darkstripe think there would be a war?"

Fernpaw shrugged innocently. "I don't know. I bet he's just thinking about ShadowClan. You know—since Tigerclaw is the leader now."

She looked away, feeling slightly foolish. She had been so absorbed in her own problems, she had forgotten about ShadowClan! [_ow could I ever forget? War may soon be upon us! I need to protect my Clan._ "Yeah, it'll be a good idea to keep all of us in shape… including myself."

The apprentices' eyes widened. "Are you serious? You want to learn how to fight?"

Lostface bared her fangs at the younger cat. "I _know_ how to fight, you mouse-brain! I'm a trained, warrior remember? I just… need to work on fighting now that my eye is gone."

Fernpaw shifted her weight awkwardly. "Yeah… I guess so."

Lostface opened her mouth to chastise the apprentice for underestimating her, but stopped short as Fireheart and Cloudtail entered the camp. Cloudtail was bounding ahead of his former mentor while Fireheart chased after him, lips curled back in a furious snarl. "I don't want you ever going back to that place, do you hear me, Cloudtail?" he hissed. Lostface could tell that the ginger deputy was struggling to keep his voice down in order to avoid attracting attention.

"What do you think that was about?" Fernpaw inquired as the pair disappeared into the warriors' den.

A moment later, Dustpelt emerged, his face twisted into a cynical smirk. He padded over to the two she-cats, chuckling under his breath. "That kittypet is in for it now."

Fernpaw narrowed her eyes. "Why do you call them that? You know that they are both loyal to the Clan!"

Dustpelt's face softened. "Sorry," he muttered. "But seriously, though. I think Fireheart is gonna claw that poor kitten's ears off!"

"What did he do?" Lostface piped up. She couldn't help but wonder why Cloudtail would be in trouble. What did Fireheart mean by telling him to never go back to that place again? Where had he been?

The brown tom seemed slightly unnerved that she had addressed him. "Well… uh… Cloudtail has been visiting the Twolegplace for a while now. Remember back when he got kidnapped by Twolegs? Well that didn't really deter him because he met a she-cat while he was there."

Lostface froze, her heart pounding. _She-cat? Cloudtail's been… seeing someone?_

"Apparently, they are pretty close... like… mates. Fireheart caught them together," Dustpelt finished, a sick smile appearing on his face.

Fernpaw let out a low growl. "That's horrible! He's betraying the Clan! You were right, Dustpelt, maybe he is a kittypet, after all."

Lostface couldn't believe what she was hearing. "No!" she gasped. "It can't be true."

"It is," Dustpelt insisted, looking almost proud that he had figured it out.

"Cloudtail would never…" Lostface trailed off into silence. _Do that to me…_ she finished. It felt as if her heart had shattered into a million pieces. How could Cloudtail do this? He told her before that he loved her! He said he would do anything for her.

_But that was before,_ she reminded herself darkly. _Before you looked like a mutilated monster._

Ignoring Fernpaw's questions, Lostface rose to her paws and raced toward the warriors' den. She paused outside the entrance, hearing Fireheart giving Cloudtail a harshly-worded monologue. "You don't mate outside the Clan, Cloudtail! Ever! You are betraying us."

Cloudtail snorted. "Why? I should be allowed to mate with whoever I wish!"

"What happened to Brightpaw? You loved her—you told me that you did. I'm sure that she would give you a chance, if you just asked her," Fireheart suggested, his tone softening slightly.

Lostface dug her claws into the ground in effort to keep the tears that had been brimming in her remaining eye from falling.

"Why should I give _her_ a chance? She loved Swiftpaw, not me. She told me to stay away from her, so I am!"

She felt her heart shatter. It felt as if a strong warrior had just smashed it under-paw like it was a miniscule twig. Her whole world—her happiness, her hope, her love—everything broke into tiny pieces that could never be repaired. Cloudtail _hated_ her. She had nothing left to live for. _If only you knew how much you meant to me, Cloudtail… I did love you. I still love you…_

"She's young, Cloutail and so are you. Neither of you know what you want yet, but none of this was her fault. She was probably upset with you because you were made a warrior, and that wasn't your fault! All the apprentices wanted to be made warriors, and they all should be. You can't blame her for this."

"Oh can't I?" Cloudtail sneered.

"No. You can't," Fireheart growled. Lostface could tell that the deputy was beginning to lose his patience.

Lostface stepped away from the entrance as Cloudtail stormed out. When he saw her, his face changed. His blue eyes softened slightly, and his entire demeanor changed. "Brightpaw… you heard that?" he breathed.

She couldn't hold back the tears any longer—they overflowed from her one eye, staining her fur. "How could you?" she whimpered. She could barely will herself to speak through the sobs that mangled her voice and made her body tremble. "How could you do this to me? _HOW?!_" she screeched.

The entire Clan was watching them with wide, stunned eyes. Lostface felt their hot, judgmental gazes on her fur, and the vulnerability she had felt earlier returned in full force. Everything had gone wrong in minutes. Backing away from Cloudtail and her Clan, she looked around, her hackles rising in fear. Without warning, she turned and fled to the medicine cat den, her only safe haven.

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A/N: Did you like this chapter? Leave a review and let me know! If you've liked what you've read here and you wanna read more, click on my username to read more! Don't forget if you wanna stay up-to-date with this story to follow and/or favorite it!


	8. Pt 1 - Chapter 7: The Dark Descent

_Beautiful Insainty, Part 1 - Chapter 7_

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**1.7 - тнє ∂αяк ∂єѕcєηт**

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Wind sighed softly through the now barren branches of the canopy. A white she-cat with ginger patches sat in a small, forest glade, her tail curled around her paws and her head bowed. The right half of her face was missing, but she hardly seemed to notice. Her remaining eye was closed, and her one ear flattened. The new moon rose in the sky, leaving the forest black and keeping her presence a secret from the world. She took in a deep breath, her small, fragile being trembling as she did so. Tonight was the night.

Nearby, she could hear the howls of the dog pack as members of her Clan tried desperately to fight them off. Fireheart had been so brave to volunteer to lure them off the edge of the gorge.

So brave.

So foolish.

The rest of her Clan was now gathered at Sunningrocks, waiting for the dogs to be defeated. Cinderpelt had enough to deal with when it came to her own useless leg. She didn't need to look after Lostface. Her Clan had only proved what she had known for moons as she slipped away, unnoticed. They didn't care about her; they took no notice of her whatsoever.

Lostface's ear shot up as she heard paws approach her. Opening her eye, she rose to her paws as Fernpaw and Ashpaw slid into the glade, their eyes wide with alarm. When they saw Lostface, their faces changed from horror to confusion. "Lostface?" Ashpaw asked. There was a sneer in his voice that made the warrior's claws flex. "What are you doing out here? Don't you know it's dangerous? I thought you above all cats would know."

"Leave her alone, Ashpaw!" Fernpaw growled, shooting her brother a chilling glare. "Something might be wrong. Why are you out here?"

"I needed to prove a point," Lostface replied calmly.

The two apprentices shifted away from her. There was something off about their friend tonight; they couldn't explain it. It unnerved them. "What point?" Fernpaw proceeded to press.

"That I am unneeded—unwanted."

Ashpaw rolled his eyes. "Come off it, Lostface! Yeah, you suffered! Bluestar changed your name—so what! All cats get their names changed! Look at the elders! Do you think One-eye enjoys being called that? Or Halftail?"

Lostface let out a low, guttural growl. "I'm not a decrepit, old bone-bag! I am a warrior! I don't deserve any of this! Swiftpaw should be alive right now, and it's Bluestar's fault that he's not!"

Ashpaw snorted. "And what are you going to do? Tell Bluestar that? She'll claw the other side of face off!"

"Ashpaw, stop it!" his sister hissed. All she wanted was to get out of there; something was wrong.

"No, Fernpaw!" he growled in response. "I am tired of watching Lostface throw a pity party for herself! So you lost Swiftpaw—big deal! We've all lost people! Fernpaw and I just lost our mother to Tigerstar! How do you think we feel? Yet you don't see us moping around all the time! Get over it."

"That's not everything!" Lostface half-shouted at them. "You have _no idea_ what pain and loss are, you pathetic little kitten! I lost _everything._ My parents and my siblings don't even care about me anymore! My Clan-mates have turned their backs on me! Swiftpaw is dead! Cloudtail is in love with some kittypet soft-foot! _I have nothing!_" She was screaming at them now, her pelt bristling and hackles rising.

Fernpaw backed away, eyes wide.

Lostface was being bent too far, and the apprentice could see that she was going to break, and the aftermath was not going to be pretty.

"Ashpaw, let's just go."

The tom yanked himself away from his sister's tail-tip that tried to rest itself on her shoulder. "No, Fernpaw! If you want to go, go ahead!"

Fernpaw opened her mouth to protest, but stopped when she saw Lostface take a few steps toward them. She watched with horror as Lostface lunged toward Ashpaw, claws outstretched. "NO!" she cried, flinging herself forward, into the warrior's side. The two she-cats fell to the ground in a flurry of teeth and claws as each of them fought for their lives. It seemed that Fernpaw would have the upper-hand—she had both of her eyes to help her judge where her blows should land, but Lostface was bigger and stronger than the apprentice, and soon overpowered her.

Once Lostface had Fernpaw pinned beneath her, Ashpaw seemed to snap out of his petrified stupor and rushed toward her. "Get away from my sister, you mange-pelt!" he caterwauled before slamming into her side. Hissing, Lostface whipped around and battered him away. She didn't have time for this; she knew she couldn't fight them both and she needed to get rid of Ashpaw before Fernpaw recovered.

Ashpaw made a move to bite her foreleg, and Lostface saw it just in the nick of time. She jumped back, causing the apprentice to stumble forward awkwardly, thrown off balance by his own momentum. Lostface rushed forward and sank her teeth into the back of his neck. Ashpaw let out a pain-filled howl and began to struggle against her. Lostface closed her eyes and willed herself to finish the job. _Remember what he said to you,_ the monster within reminded her.

A loud _Snap!_ echoed through the glade as Ashpaw's spine snapped. Fernpaw let out a gasp of horror as Lostface dropped the limp body of her brother, and then turned to face her. Blood ran down her jaws and chest, staining her white fur. Fernpaw let out a small, fearful squeak and cowered away from her. Trembling, she backed up; she wasn't stupid: she knew she was next.

"Please…" she begged quietly. "Please, don't kill me."

"And why shouldn't I?" Lostface demanded coldly, being sure to narrow her only remaining eye to a slit.

"Because I'm your Clan-mate! We were apprentices together! We trained together! You're my friend!" Fernpaw told her, struggling to find more excuses to have the warrior spare her life.

Lostface shook her head. "We were never friends, Fernpaw. If you were my friend, you would have come to visit me! You would have worried about whether I was alright after I got mauled by the dogs! You would have cared. You did not care about me! No one cared about me, and now, I will make them pay. _I will make them care!_"

With that, Fernpaw uttered her final words: "I'm sorry." But it was too late, and she knew it. Lostface snarled and lunged for her throat, taking it in her jaws. Regretting nothing, she squeezed down tightly until she felt the apprentice's blood gush into her mouth.

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**єη∂ σƒ ραят σηє**


	9. Pt 2 - Chapter 1: Deception

**ραят тωσ: мα∂ηєѕѕ**

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A/N:

Alright, unfortunately, this part will not have italics. I have a lot in this story and I currently am not on my regular computer, so I had to copy and paste from another site, and it did not come out good. I posted it there before I posted it here and it is just a mess. So, no italics. I'm sorry. If there are italics, it means I went back and fixed it for you, and I will try to do that, but I guarantee that I will miss a lot. :(

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**2.1 - ∂єcєρтιση**

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"Are you sure that this is what happened?" Fireheart inquired. He and Lostface stood inside Bluestar's old den discussing the deaths of Fernpaw and Ashpaw. A heavy, leaden stone sat in Lostface's stomach as she lied to her new leader's face. She had fabricated a story claiming that she had stumbled across the two apprentices already dead, and guessed that one of the dogs had broken away from the main group and tracked them.

Lostface kept a straight face despite her internal conflictions. "Like I said, it's just a guess as to what happened. I don't really know what else it could be."

Fireheart shook his head doubtfully. "I would consider that, but there was no dog scent in the area."

"Perhaps it was a rogue?" Lostface suggested, her heart beginning to beat faster. "Or Tigerstar… or one of his… companions…"

The ginger tom looked up at her with questioning eyes. "What do you mean by 'companions' do you think that someone in ThunderClan is working with him?"

Lostface's eyes widened. That wasn't what she meant, but she could see why Fireheart would come to that conclusion. There was no ShadowClan scent at the kill sight. "I don't know," she admitted. Truthfully, she didn't. How did she know that Longtail and Darkstripe—two close friends of Tigerstar—wouldn't be above murder?

Fireheart narrowed his eyes. "Do not speak of this to anyone else," he ordered before flicking his tail dismissively.

Lostface dipped her head before padding out of the leader's den. None of the cats stopped to look at her as she padded across the camp to the medicine cat den. It seemed that they had come to accept her existence despite everything. Annoyance prickled within her. _It appears that they have completely forgotten about me._ They shouldn't. _They should be on their guard, looking over their shoulders at all times. I will make them regret the way they treated me… but first…_ she trailed off as she reached the entrance to the medicine cat den. She turned around to survey the camp and spotted Cloudtail sitting in a shady spot near the warriors' den. Her lips curled back in disgust.

_You don't even know what I'm capable of,_ she thought, glaring at Cloudtail. _No one knows what I am capable of. None of you think that I have this in me, but I do. I will make all of you pay._

"Brightpaw?" Cinderpelt called from deeper inside the den. Lostface flicked her remaining ear to acknowledge her before padding fully into the den. She locked eyes with her sister briefly before padding over to her nest. "How are you feeling?"

Lostface shrugged in response before resting her head on her paws.

"I spoke with Fireheart earlier today," Cinderpelt confessed somewhat nervously. She shifted her paws awkwardly as she shorted the herbs. There was something off about her; Lostface didn't like it. "He thinks that you are ready to go back to the warriors' den."

Her remaining ear strained forward in disbelief. She raised her head and looked at her sister in shock. Fireheart wanted to send her back to the warriors' den? "Really?"

Cinderpelt nodded. "Yes… he… he was also contemplating changing your warrior name…"

Lostface could not believe her ear. Was he really going to do all this for her? She might have a chance at a normal life now! _No,_ she pessimistic side of her reminded. _Your life will never be normal, Lostface. You are a murder. The blood of Ashpaw and Fernpaw stain your claws._ She closed her eye as remorse flooded her. Whatever good remained in her made her feel remorseful for killing the two apprentices. She hated that fact, and she hated that she now had to lie to everyone she knew. _They still think I am an innocent victim… but now, I am the bloodthirsty killer._


	10. Pt 2 - Chapter 2: Backstabbed

_Beautiful Insanity, Part 2 - Chapter 2_

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**2.2 - вαcкѕтαввє∂**

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Lostface lay at the mouth of the medicine cat den, her tail whipping back and forth with anticipation. Any moment, Firestar would emerge from his den and climb Highrock to change her name. _This is it,_ she thought. _This is the beginning of a new life!_

The lichen curtain twitched as the ginger tom emerged. Whitestorm, who was now the Clan deputy, came over to great him. The two exchanged brief words before Firestar leapt up onto Highrock. Lostface could barely contain her excitement as the Clan leader spoke. "Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath Highrock for a Clan meeting!"

Lostface padded out of the medicine cat den with Cinderpelt following a moment later. The sister exchanged a knowing glance as they took a seat just outside the den. For the first time in a long time, Lostface felt not content, but truly happy. Yet, as Cloudtail exited the warriors' den, Lostface couldn't help but unsheathe her claws and gouge them into the damp leaf-fall earth. She would still make him pay for what he had done to her.

Once the Clan was gathered, Firestar spoke. "Cats of ThunderClan, I am going to do something that should have been done long, long ago. Thornpaw, you've waited long enough, please step forward."

Thornpaw's eyes widened, and his weren't the only ones. Lostface looked up at Firestar with confusion. Wasn't he going to change her name?

Firestar spoke, "I, Firestar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in his turn. Thornpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Thornpaw nodded determinedly. "I do."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Thornpaw, from this moment you will be known as Thornclaw. StarClan honors your loyalty and your intelligence, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan!"

The Clan rose up in cheers. "Thornclaw! Thornclaw!"

Lostface sat there, waiting for Firestar to call her to the base of Highrock, but he never did. He just looked down warmly as the ThunderClan warriors gathered around her brother to congratulate him._ I should be with him!_ she thought angrily. She sank her claws deeper into the moist earth. _They should be congratulating me too!_

"I'm sorry, Lostface," Cinderpelt meowed softly, almost reverently from her position.

Lostface ignored her, seething with rage. As her oblivious Clan-mates dispersed, Firestar leapt down from Highrock and padded over to Thornclaw. Her brother puffed out his chest proudly as Firestar spoke to him what mostly likely were encouraging words. Thornclaw dipped his head before padding off to the warriors' den.

Growling, Lostface rose to her paws and started walking. She headed for the nearest exit, not quite sure where she was going. All she knew was that she had to get away. She couldn't be there anymore. "Lostface," the voice of one of guards at the entrance called as she raced past; she ignored them.

Bare branches and twigs that had already lost their leaves in preparation from the upcoming leaf-bare slapped her face and snagged her fur as she plunged into the brushwood. Her one eye began to get irritated from the rough, spikey undergrowth. Eventually, and clumsily, she stumbled onto a narrow path. It was a small break in the shrubbery, allowing Lostface to catch her breath.

As she stood there, chest heaving as she struggled to catch her breath, and recover from her small bout of claustrophobia from sprinting through the tight foliage, a scent caught her nose. At first, she could barely detect at the way she was vacuuming in the air, but as she calmed down, she definitely detected it. After a few moments of breathing it in even more, she finally was able to place the owner.

_Cloudtail!_

It soon became clear to her that the white tom had traveled along this trail many times. Out of pure curiosity, she followed it. The scent, for the most part, remained on the narrow trail that wove through the forest. It didn't take long for Lostface to realize where this path led.

_The Twolegplace!_

This was the route Cloudtail had been taking to visit that kittypet! A smug smile spread across her face as she unsheathed her claws. Now was the perfect time to pay that foolish, little housecat a visit.


	11. Pt 2 - Chapter 3: The Unlucky Kittypet

_Beautiful Insanity, Part 2 - Chapter 3_

* * *

**2.3 - тнє υηℓυcку кιттуρєт**

* * *

Lostface had faithfully followed Cloudtail's scent trail into the Twolegplace. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, making her heart pound with exhilaration. She was so close… so close to seeing the abomination that had substituted her in Cloudtail's mind. _Oh yes,_ Lostface thought sadistically. _Cloudtail, your pretty, little fool will pay dearly for your mistake!_

Ever since she had found the trail, Lostface had been absorbed in her malicious, bloody thoughts. She couldn't wait to sink her claws into that kittypet's pelt. How dare she steal what was hers? How dare she—a creature that didn't even deserve to be called a cat—take her Cloudtail away? _Maybe they are right for each other,_ Lostface thought smugly as she slunk through the thickening undergrowth; she was just tail-lengths away from the large, pointed, white fence that separated the world of the human playthings from the world of the Clans. Cloudtail was a kittypet once, and he has the brain of one! They probably are just perfect for one another. The moment she thought it, she felt slightly remorseful; even though she was furious with Firestar, she had to admit that he was—usually—a good cat. As soon as the benevolent thought crossed her mind, she swiftly pushed it away. Firestar was just like the rest of them. He didn't care about her.

She finally reached the end of the thick patch of brambles and inhaled a deep breath, savoring this moment. All the sneers, the jibes, and the torment she had gone through—all of that seemed so worth it now. If she would have known that this would be her sweet, glorious pay off for enduring it, she wouldn't have minded it all as much. Those searing, painful words that Cloudtail had uttered that fateful day, repeated themselves over and over again in her head like a mantra. That was her motivation. That was why she was here.

She was here to avenge herself.

Padding up to the tall white fence, she took a deep breath. Crouching low and bunching her muscles, she prepared to leap, but something held her back for a moment. A little bit of mortality raised its ugly head inside her, screaming at her to stop. This wasn't the kittypet's fault! She probably didn't even know about Lostface, or that Cloudtail had ever been interested in another she-cat. What am I doing? she wondered.

When she had killed Fernpaw and Ashpaw, it had been initiated by rage. Under any other circumstance, and if Ashpaw hadn't made those hurtful comments, she probably wouldn't have killed them at all. Now, even though she was angry at this unlucky kittypet, she was not in a blind, red-sighted rage like she had been. This was premeditated murder! They always say that once you kill one cat, the next one is easier. Was that what was happening? Was she slowly evolving into a bloodthirsty maniac? Once upon a time, the idea would seem outlandish, but now… now it was an actual possibility.

She remained like this for a moment, immersed in her internal horror at what she had become, but then, it disappeared. It was so sudden that Lostface barely even noticed it—the feeling was gone… There was nothing. It was as if her last ounce of humanity had finally slipped away. It was far too late for her now. Knowing exactly what this meant for her future, and knowing exactly what she would do to that unlucky she-cat, Lostface leapt up onto the fence and then vanished over the other side.

* * *

The unlucky kittypet was named Jasmine. She was pretty but not too bright. She enjoyed her trivial little life in the town with her Twolegs. They were so kind to her, but ever since the female had brought home a Twoleg kit, they had drifted apart. Jasmine spent most of her time out in the garden since the newborn's constant mewling annoyed her. It was out here in the garden that she came across one of the handsomest tomcats she'd ever seen.

He was pure white—like snow—with large, welcoming blue eyes. His eyes had captivated her the moment she stared into them; they were like deep, glistening pools of water. They were calm for the most part, but there was a mischievous glint in them whenever he smiled or purred. He had a broad, wide build, but he wasn't overweight. He was lean, but strong, his muscles rippling under his fluffy, long fur whenever he moved. Jasmine knew what he was the moment she laid eyes on him—he was one of those wild cats that lived in the forest. She had heard so much about them from the whispers of cats that were too curious for their own good, but she never expected to see one in the flesh, nor did she expect one to look so cultivated. He didn't look like a bone-eating savage like many of the others loved to claim, and his fur was not torn or ragged, but very clean and soft. He was beyond her expectations.

Jasmine vividly remembered the day she first saw this stranger. She had been lying in her garden, rolling over the prickly blades of grass, stretching as far as she could when he just appeared on her fence. The next thing she knew, he was in her garden with her, striding over confidently, chest puffed out. Despite this bold entrance, Jasmine was not the least bit afraid of him; she knew that if he hurt her, she would call for her Twolegs, and then he would be in for it. So, she just rolled onto her belly and watched as he approached her without a hint of trepidation.

"Do you know a she-cat called Princess?" he inquired. His voice was deep, and husky; she could imagine his chest rumbling whenever he spoke. There was a softness to his voice that both confused her and melted her heart. Toms like him usually threw their weight around and boasted about how wonderful they were, but he just stood there, speaking in a quiet voice. He was too bold to be self-conscious, but he did seem a little… shy.

Jasmine rose to her paws and shook out her gray tabby fur. "I believe so," she replied, blinking her large, blue eyes. "I think she lives just a few gardens over."

The tom let out a small purr of delight and nodded. "Thank you… uh…"

It was then Jasmine realized he wanted her name. If it were possible, she would have blushed. "Jasmine," she mewed, feeling more than sheepish.

The strange tom purred when she spoke. She shuddered. "Thank you, Jasmine," he told her, and then he disappeared over the fence, leaving her alone. Jasmine's breath hitched at his sudden absence. For some reason she could not fathom, she didn't want him to leave. But, it was imperative that he must. So, the unlucky kittypet let him go, but he returned later that day. He entered her yard and thanked her a second time for her directions.

"You're more than welcome…" Jasmine said this time, eager to learn this mysterious forest dweller's name as well.

"Cloudtail," the tom answered.

If it had been any other cat, Jasmine would have sneered at the name, but not him. No, he was special. "Will you be coming back again, Cloudtail?" she inquired as he turned to leave. Oh, how she wished to see him again. She prayed that this would not be their last encounter.

The tom thought for a moment before nodding. "I think so, Jasmine. I think so."

Weeks passed, and Cloudtail came to visit her as often as he could. Most of the time, they just talked about trivial little things, but every now and then, Cloudtail would tell her about himself. Only after a week did she knew most of his history: his mother was a kittypet named Princess who lived a few houses down. When he was still young, she had given him to her brother, a cat named Fireheart, to take to the Clans. She wanted him to be raised in the wild and experience all the wonderful things Fireheart had spoken of, and so he did. Cloudtail told her that it took a long time for the other cats to accept him, even though he was Fireheart's nephew. Fireheart was a respected warrior, but it would take more than just genes for Cloudtail to earn not just the respect, but the trust of his Clan-mates.

Jasmine immediately felt bad for him—it couldn't be easy living out in the wild. Cloudtail even admitted that it was difficult. Leaf-bare was the worst when there was so little prey to go around. There were also constant battles going on between the four Clans endangering innocent lives. He told her about how a cat named Tigerclaw had been exiled from ThunderClan after attempting to kill Bluestar, the Clan leader. That same cat became the leader of a rival Clan only a few moons later. Cloudtail even confessed that he had tried to go back to the Twolegplace more than once. At first, it had been just to visit his mother, but then he met a kind Twoleg who put food out for him. He thought the food tasted good—not a good as a fresh mouse, but edible—so he came often, mewling at the door the same way a hungry kitten pesters it's mother to nurse.

"If you don't like it in the forest, you should stay here in the town full time," Jasmine stated. To her, the decision was easy; there was no debate on what she would choose. Obviously, she would choose to remain with her Twolegs—they took care of her. But as soon as she said it, she realized that things were not so easy for Cloudtail. He had other things to think about. Nevertheless, she couldn't resist offering, "You could stay with me, you know."

Cloudtail had just looked at her with troubled eyes.

The more he came, the more their relationship blossomed. Cloudtail would sit closer and closer to her and sometimes give her an affectionate lick or stroke her spine with his tail. Jasmine could barely contain her joy whenever he did those things. Every nerve-ending in her body felt like it was a live wire whenever he touched her. One day, her wild lover came to her with a sheepish look on his face. When she queried him about it, he just became more embarrassed.

"Please tell me," she implored, blinking her eyes rapidly hoping that would persuade him.

Cloudtail looked at his paws and shuffled them anxiously. "Well… we've been seeing each other for quite a while now, Jasmine… and… well…" he trailed off, avoiding her gaze entirely.

Jasmine's breath hitched as she realized where he was going with this. She took a few, hesitant steps toward him. "Yes?"

"Well… I just… Oh, I don't know!" Cloudtail hissed, seeming annoyed.

Confused, Jasmine took a step back. "What is it, Cloudtail?"

He let out a low growl before muttering something unintelligible under his breath.

"What was that?"

"I like you, Jasmine," he finally breathed so she could hear. "I like you more than I should."

The unlucky kittypet's heart soared. "You do?!" she squealed gleefully.

He glanced up at her, unmasked apprehension in his eyes. "I do… Do you like me too?"

"Of course I do!" Jasmine purred. She pranced over to him, her eyes shining. "I've liked you ever since you first came into my garden."

Cloudtail purred in response and nuzzled her gently. "I'm so glad, Jasmine." He pulled away for a moment and stared into her eyes. Jasmine was rendered helpless as she got lost in his; they were so soft, and so full of love. She nearly fainted at the sight of them.

"Cloudtail!" a sharp voice snarled.

Both cats whipped around just as large ginger tom entered the yard. The tom's pelt bristled and his lips were curled back in a snarl. "What in the name of StarClan are you doing?"

"Fireheart!" Cloudtail gasped. He took a few steps back and away from Jasmine. "What are you doing here? Did you follow me!?"

"Yeah, and it's a good thing I did!" the cat named Fireheart snarled. "What are you thinking Cloudtail? Visiting this kittypet?"

Jasmine watched with fear as Cloudtail narrowed his eyes dangerously. "How can you even use that word? We were once housecats too, you know!"

Fireheart let out a low hiss and took another step toward them. In response, Jasmine backed away, moving closer to Cloudtail, seeking protection from this intruder. "And we willingly gave up that life to be warriors. When Bluestar gave the me offer to join ThunderClan, a great warrior named Lionheart told me that I couldn't live in a paw in each world. I had to choose which world I wanted to live in, and I chose the Clans. Now it's time for you to do the same!"

Cloudtail's hackles rose and his lips curled back in a snarl, exposing his glinting fangs. Jasmine cowered away from him; she hated to see him so angry. "You willingly gave up this life, Fireheart! I didn't! I never got a choice!"

"Well now you have one!" Fireheart said, his lips relaxing. "Choose."

Jasmine watched restlessly as Cloudtail glanced back at her. There was nothing but pain and sorrow in his magnificent eyes. If the newcomer hadn't been in the yard, she would have rushed to his side and tried to comfort him. Cloudtail then looked to Fireheart, but quickly averted his gaze to his paws. His eyes closed as he thought, leaving the other cats to wait in suspense for his decision. "Fireheart… please don't make me do this," he pleaded softly.

"You leave me with no choice, Cloudtail. I need to know where your loyalties lie! With the way things are currently going, I need the Clan to be at their strongest. We need to be united," the handsome ginger tom replied.

Cloudtail took a deep breath and looked back at Jasmine. For a moment, she feared that he would not choose her, but then she shook it away. She loved Cloudtail—she knew that now—and she wanted him to be happy. _No matter what he decides, he'll get hurt,_ she thought gravely. She knew what she had to do, but she wasn't thrilled about it. "It's okay, Cloudtail," she whispered. "You don't need to worry about me."

His eyes widened as if he were astonished she even entertained such a notion. He opened his mouth as if he were going to protest, but then closed it. A knowing look flashed in his eyes, and he gave her a quick nod before looking to Fireheart. "You know what I choose," he mewed, dipping his head.

Fireheart narrowed his eyes as Cloudtail went over to him. Jasmine watched, her heart cracking more and more with each step her love took. Fireheart leapt up onto the fence and then descended onto the other side. Cloudtail shot her a quick glance before doing the same. The moment he vanished, was the moment her heart shattered. Pieces splintered everywhere, embedding themselves in the sides of her now hollow chamber. It was then that she began spiraling down into an abysmal darkness. Cloudtail was gone… he had chosen the Clan over her. _Perhaps… perhaps he will be happy now,_ she thought, but she knew it wasn't true.

Jasmine held in an agonized cry as she padded over to her cat door. Tears threatened to overflow from her eyes, but she blinked them back stubbornly. With one last glance at the fence where Cloudtail had disappeared, she slipped into her Twolegs' den.

Days passed and Cloudtail didn't show. During the first few days after his departure, she waited eagerly in the yard, hoping that he would deny his vow and come to her anyway, but she was left in disappointment. Nevertheless, she went out every day with high hopes only to have them crushed at twilight when she had to go back inside.

But she waited for him.

She waited faithfully.

One day he would come back.

She was sure of it.

* * *

Lostface finally reached the yard. She could smell Cloudtail's distinct scent here, and it was stronger than before. It was clear that he had spent a lot of time here. Without the slightest hesitation, she scaled the fence and entered the enclosure. Her newest victim sat patiently in the center, as if she had been waiting for someone. When she saw Lostface, her face widened in shock and disgust. Immediately, she recoiled away from her. The kittypet's pelt bristled as Lostface took a few steps toward her. "Get away from me, you monster!" she hissed.

"Oh, shut up!" Lostface groaned. She was struggling to see what Cloudtail saw in this sorry excuse for a cat. She was a light gray tabby she-cat with large blue eyes that looked way too innocent. Sure, she was pretty, but there was nothing special about her; she was a kittypet for StarClan's sake! The collar around her neck was enough of an indicator that she was in a league far below his!

"Who are you?" the kittypet demanded boldly.

Well, looks like she's got guts… but maybe she doesn't know who… what I am, Lostface thought. Nevertheless, she had to applaud the unlucky kittypet's tenacity. "Who I am is none of your business! You don't need to know me, but I know you."

The kittypet's eyes widened and her resolve faltered slightly. "What… What do you mean?"

"You're Cloudtail's kittypet mate!"

Her eyes widened. "Cloudtail?" she gasped. "You know Cloudtail?" This seemed to evoke some unknown, but very powerful feeling within her. Lostface saw tears come to the kittypet's eyes as her body began to shake. "Is he alright? Is he happy?"

Lostface was slightly taken aback by these questions. Did she honestly care if Cloudtail was happy? Does she really love him that much? Lostface tried not to think about her loving him, or him loving her. She wanted to let her emotions rule her, but only the rage. She wanted to become so lost in her red-sighted fury that she couldn't even remember her name. She wanted to destroy that arrogant, little kittypet for taking what was rightfully hers.

"I think he is," Lostface grumbled, unsure how else to respond.

The kittypet looked relieved. A single tear rolled down her light gray cheek. "I'm so glad," she choked out. She sniffled once before wiping the stray droplet away with her paw.

Lostface tried to ignore the fact that this kittypet seemed to care deeply about Cloudtail. "Do you know who I am?"

She looked at Lostface, her face twisting into one of revulsion as she got a good look at the side that was completely devastated. "No. I can't say that I do. Are you one of those Clan cats?"

Smirking, Lostface had to admit that at least she had common sense. "You're right. I am from the Clans. My name is Lostface. I was Cloudtail's mate before you."

The unlucky kittypet's eyes widened in disbelief. "N- no!" she hissed. "You're lying!"

"I would have been his mate if you hadn't entered the picture!" Lostface growled. She was beginning to lose her patience with this waste of space.

"No! You're a filthy liar!" the kittypet snarled. She took a fearless step toward Lostface, her pelt bristling and claws unsheathed. "Cloudtail would never, ever love you! You're too ugly for anyone to love!"

That was it.

Lostface lost it.

In moments, she had the unlucky kittypet pinned to the ground and her claws embedded in her shoulders. Blood gurgled from the wounds, staining her light gray, tabby pelt. The unlucky kittypet let out a loud cry and rolled with all her might. Lostface jumped away before she could be pinned below her. Her missing eye and ear gave her a disadvantage, but her white-hot rage made up for it. She let out a caterwaul before launching herself at the unlucky kittypet a second time. The kittypet made a very intelligent move and ducked under Lostface. She whipped around at the last moment and raked her razor-sharp claws across Lostface's flank. Hissing, Lostface spun around and battered the kittypet in the face. Hissing and spitting out blood, the kittypet barreled into her chest, knocking Lostface off her paws.

Breathless, Lostface fell to the ground. The kittypet pinned her, her claws sinking into Lostface's chest. "Before this is over, I will take your other eye!" the kittypet growled darkly.

As Lostface looked at her, she realized that this kittypet was just as blinded by her anger as she was. They were kindred spirits who both shared this… blood lust. But the kittypet was not as smart as she thought she was. Lostface saw that she had left her belly bare. In one swift movement, Lostface raked her hind claws across the unlucky kittypet's belly. The unlucky kittypet let out a pain-filled howl before staggering backwards. Now that her opponent was weakened, Lostface had the upper hand.

Blood poured from the large wound in the unlucky kittypet's belly, and Lostface knew that all she had to do was go for the throat, and it would be over. A part of her wanted to wait—she wanted to see this fox-heart suffer. She wanted her to die slowly… painfully… bleeding out right there in her own little garden.

But as she saw the unlucky kittypet staggering about and still searching for the strength to fight and defend herself, pity filled Lostface. She walked over to the unlucky kittypet and looked her right in the eyes before sinking her fangs into her throat.

The unlucky kittypet let out a final gasping sound as her windpipe was snapped in half. Lostface tore away, a chunk of flesh coming with her. A large hole had been ripped right in the unlucky kittypet's throat. The unlucky kittypet gazed on blankly for a moment before her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed, dead.

Lostface spat out the flesh and looked back at the corpse. Blood still gushed from her wounds, staining the soft, green grass a beautiful shade of crimson. She should feel elated—she had finally killed that stupid kittypet… but she didn't. She felt… rather somber.

"That was quiet a fight," a new voice meowed.

Lostface whipped around to see a small black tomcat with one white paw sitting on the fence. He was unusually small, but he was clearly confident in himself… perhaps even a bit arrogant. He wore a purple color around his neck that made her hiss, but it wasn't an ordinary collar. Teeth were studded within it, their sharp edges poking out dangerously. They appeared to come from both cats and dogs. And his claws! He seemed to be wearing an extra, longer set of claws over his natural ones, making them more than lethal. She didn't know how long he had been sitting there, watching the battle, but he must have seen it.

"Who are you?" Lostface growled, glaring up at him through her one eye.

The black tomcat simply raised his tail. "You have no need to fear me, dear one."

Lostface let out a low growl. She hated the way her called her "dear one". Who did the think he was?

"I should be asking you who you are," he mewed. "Would you care to enlighten me?"

Lostface was half-tempted to tell him to fluff off and leave her alone, but there was something about him that stopped her. She just got the impression that he was not to be messed with; he was important. "Lostface," she muttered.

"Nice to meet you, Lostface," the tom replied with a small purr. "My name is Scourge. I am the leader of BloodClan, and I regret to inform you that you are on my territory."


	12. Pt 2- Chapter 4: Cat of Shadow and Blood

_Beautiful Insanity - Part 2: Chapter 4_

* * *

**2.4 – α cαт σƒ ѕнα∂σω αη∂ вℓσσ∂**

* * *

_BloodClan?_ Lostface wondered in awe. _Is there a fifth Clan, or is this just some foolish kittypet messing around pretending to be a warrior?_ "What do you mean 'BloodClan'?" she asked. There was no snarl or wariness in her voice, only pure curiosity.

_You know what they say about cats and curiosity._

Scourge smiled slightly. "I saw you come in from the forest—you must be one of those wild cats. You wouldn't be the first one I've met, but it's clear that you aren't from around here. But none of this matters. BloodClan is the Clan I created shortly after I gained control over the Twolegplace. There isn't a kit born who doesn't know my name or fear it. I'm respected; I'm their leader. None of the stray cats here would even be alive today if it weren't for me. All of my warriors look up to me—they do exactly as I say when I say it."

Lostface flattened her ear. "It sounds like you haven't created a Clan, but a cult of personality!"

The small, black tomcat laughed maniacally. Once he caught his breath, he leapt down from the fence and smiled at her. "I've never heard it put like that before, but it's a good way to describe it! You're quite an inquisitive little thing aren't you?"

Struggling to hold in her contempt at his word choice, Lostface bit her tongue and averted her gaze to the body of the unlucky kittypet. The poor she-cat lay limp, her limps splayed out as if she were dreaming, but her eyes were open wide. Blood had ceased to rush from the wounds, but a crimson pool had formed around her tiny body. Her long, tabby fur had soaked up some of it, making it appear larger than normal, as if it were a sponge. Lostface suppressed a shudder at the thought. Just because she enjoyed killing that waste of space didn't mean she liked looking at the finished product.

The eccentric character took another step closer, and Lostface took one step back in response. Scourge flicked an ear, noticing her move. "You know, for a female Quasimodo, you aren't too bad looking."

Lostface had no idea what he mean by that, but couldn't help but laugh at his remark. Was he seriously suggesting that she was pretty? Even mildly so? "That's rich," she muttered before eyeing the fence behind him. All she wanted was to get out of there, and quickly. _The Clan will start wondering where I am… and Cloudtail might come here to visit his little… friend. I really don't wanna be here when he finds her, either._

"What happened to you?" Scourge inquired. The leader of this so-called "BloodClan" seemed genuinely interested in her story.

Despite this, Lostface changed the subject. "How did you start BloodClan?" She actually wasn't at all interested in that, but it was better than talking about the dogs. _The last thing I want is to… relive that… It was bad enough the first time… And… Swiftpaw…_ Lostface closed her eyes for a moment; she hadn't thought of Swiftpaw in a long time. _What would you think of me now? Oh, Swiftpaw… You don't know how much I miss you. You would have never abandoned me like Cloudtail did._

Scourge's tail twitched. Lostface felt a tad uneasy as he looked at her—examined her. It was as if he saw through every single word he said, as if he knew there was a deeper meaning to it all. "I earned the respect of the other strays, and the next thing I knew, they'd placed me up on a pedestal. They treated me like I was the leader of some kind of Twoleg mafia. I was their king. If anyone had a problem, they came to me, and I dealt with it for them. A lot of cats owed me favors, and they soon started piling up. Eventually, it got to a point where many cats couldn't repay me, so I offered them a way out of it. I told them to give me their lives to wipe away the debt."

Lostface's hackles rose, but she forced herself to relax. How could she be repulsed by his… practices? She had just ripped a kittypet's throat out for StarClan's sake! _You're being a hypocrite, Lostface!_ she thought, rebuking herself.

"Many of them did—they became my… warriors. They agreed to serve me for as long as they lived in order to refund me for my services, but also, for protection. No one messes with BloodClan, you see? We are untouchable, invincible, immortal," Scourge said, his voice laced with pride and just a hint of insanity.

Lostface let out a hollow laugh. "Immortal? Please, without you, your 'Clan' would probably crumble in seconds!"

Amusement flashed in Scourge's eyes. "You are rather inquisitive! You know, I wouldn't mind having a cat like you in my Clan. You amuse me, but you're smart too—you could be of use to me."

Recoiling away from him at the mere thought of getting entrapped in one of his one-sided bargains, Lostface hissed. "Well find another she-cat that got her face ripped off! I am loyal to ThunderClan." Am I really though? Once upon a time, the answer was so simple; she would have died for her Clan, or any of her Clan-mates. Now, however, she wasn't so sure. How could I lay down my life for the cats who abandoned me?

"Are you?" As if he could read her mind, the small, black tom arched a curious eyebrow.

Lostface swallowed the rising lump in her throat and nodded determinedly. "Yes."

The BloodClan leader let the topic rest and padded closer still to her. This time, Lostface didn't cringe away as he approached. She caught a whiff of him and struggled to keep a straight face; he smelled like garbage and decaying animals. Revolted by his stench, she shifted away slightly. Scourge seemed to notice this, but made no comment. "Before you go back to your Clan, Lostface, I'd like to show you around. You never know—you may change your mind once you see what I can offer."

She wanted to refuse—she wanted to shout it at him—but she couldn't find the strength. Killing the kittypet seemed to have weakened her. Was this guilt that had crept into her limbs making them next to useless? Had remorse hijacked her mind and drained her of the will to fight? "I don't exactly have a choice, do I?"

Scourge simply laughed.

* * *

After finding a puddle to wash off Jasmine's blood, Lostface, still not quite sure how it all came about, did as Scourge asked. They traveled through a narrow alley, tall, Twoleg structures rising high above their heads in a domineering manner. Entering the Twolegplace for her revenge was one thing, but wandering about with some shifty kittypet-Clan leader was too strange for her. A few cat-lengths in front of them, the passage came to an end. The high, tall, Twoleg structures that rose up on either side ceased to exist, allowing sunlight to touch the pavement. A cold, late leaf-fall wind slapped the two cats in the face as it swirled down the alley. Lostface suppressed a shudder and found herself moving closer to the BloodClan leader for warmth.

When they reached the end, Lostface suddenly realized why the Twoleg structures had halted—a Thunderpath cut right throw them. Its stink made Lostface's lips curl in disgust, but Scourge didn't seem to notice. He plodded forward out into direct sunlight and hung a left. Lostface lingered in the shadows, unsure if she was prepared to step out into plain view. Great StarClan, what would the Twolegs think of me? However, due to the fact that she was terrified of behind left alone in this horrible maze, she scampered after him, pelt bristling.

The first thing Lostface noticed is how few Twolegs there were here. Most of them were in the monsters that traveled on the Thunderpath, and they didn't even look at them. _I wonder where they all are,_ Lostface wondered. _Usually they're everywhere! Constantly making fools of themselves and soiling the earth in the process… But it's strange; I don't see any. Are they all in the monsters? Or are they all in their dens?_

After trekking on a ways in the open, Scourge swung into another alley, but this time, he picked up the pace. At first it was just a trot, then a bound, and then he was practically sprinting down the straightaway. Lostface struggled to keep up with the smaller, more agile cat. And then, as suddenly as his speed increased, he skidded to a halt by a white fence. Flashbacks of leaping into Jasmine's yard flooded into Lostface's head as Scourge leapt up and over the fence. Horrifying thoughts rushed through her as she began to imagine the worst. _Is he… on his way to collect a… debt?_

Bracing herself for the worst, Lostface shot up onto the fence and wobbled for a bit until she got her footing. To her surprise, a beautiful ginger she-cat stood in front of Scourge, purring and licking his cheek. The scene was so anomalous that Lostface had to do a double-take to make sure she saw it correctly. Scourge glanced up and jumped as if he were surprised that she was still following him. "Lostface, come down here! I want you to meet someone," he called before flashing a mischievous glance at the ginger she-cat.

Wary, Lostface did as he said, but one her paws touched the soft grass, she was rigid—frozen where she stood. She eyed the ginger she-cat dubiously—she was too pretty, too gaudy with her fancy collar to be with Scourge! Despite these facts, Lostface could tell that what she was accurate; they were mates!

The moment Fawn saw Lostface's damaged façade, she gasped. "Oh my, what happened to you, sweetheart?!"

"Who are you?" Lostface asked, trying to avoid her question.

"Lostface, this is my mate, Fawn."

"Lostface?" Fawn breathed, aghast. "Is that really your name?"

Lostface faltered under the she-cat's intense gaze. "Y- yes…"

"What happened to you?" Fawn asked again.

Losing her patience Lostface let out a low growl. "I don't want to talk about it, okay?" she hissed through clenched teeth. Was this kittypet just as stupid as the last to bother her like the last one did?

Scourge narrowed his eyes in a warning gesture before giving the kittypet a quick lick. "Don't worry about it, Fawn. Lostface has had a… bad morning is all."

The Clan cat snorted in response. _Bad morning is a bit of an understatement._ "I thought you said you were going to give me a tour of your 'territory', not introduce me to kittypets!"

Fawn shot her mate a curious look at her statement, but Scourge didn't offer an explanation. "Alright then," he muttered, padding away from her. "Let's go."

Lostface gave him a curt nod and followed him out of the yard. The pair walked along in silence, Lostface trailing behind the small tom as he navigated through the perplexing layout of the Twolegplace. After what seemed like ages, they finally came to an alley that was larger than the rest—it looked more like a miniature Thunderpath than anything. She wavered for a moment as Scourge easily plodded along down the rancid path. When the BloodClan leader realized she wasn't following him, he halted and glanced over his shoulder. "Coming, Lostface?"

Gathering up all her courage, and putting faith into the idea that Scourge was not trying to get her killed, Lostface followed. She stuck close to him so if he made a sudden move, she could do the same. However, it soon became clear that his intention was not to kill her; at the end of this path was a small open area surrounded by Twoleg dens and a brown fence. The only way out was the way they'd came unless Lostface wanted to scale the pointy fence and risk a venture into unknown territory.

The minute Scourge entered the open space, cats appeared from almost every direction making Lostface almost jump out of her skin. Cats of all shapes, sizes, and colors slunk toward them. Each wore a collar studded with teeth but only few had the claw extensions. A particularly large black-and-white monster padded right up to Scourge and dipped his head in submission. His eyes then settled on Lostface; his lips curled.

"What is that thing doing here?" he demanded, flexing his long, extended claws. "She smells like one of those forest fools!"

Scourge raised his tail for silence, and the monster tom immediately obeyed. "Bone, this is Lostface. She is from the forest. I found her… settling a dispute with a housecat. She's a good fighter."

The cat named Bone eyed Lostface warily. "I don't trust her Scourge! What if she's a spy? An infiltrator?"

Scourge turned to look at Lostface. He studied for a moment as if he was considering that possibility. Lostface shifted her weight worriedly, awaiting his decision; he could have her killed at the flick of his tail. Luckily, Scourge shook his head and looked at the larger tom. "She isn't."

Bone did not look convinced, but Scourge turned away, refusing to acknowledge it any further. "Lostface, come with me," he meowed simply, as if he expected her to do so. There was something so self-assured, and so arrogant to his voice that made Lostface's pelt prickle. He had no right to order her around, but there was no way she could disobey him on his turf. She had no choice.

She trotted after him, wanting to keep close just in case any of the other cats suddenly decided to take matters into their own paws where she was concerned. Scourge didn't seem to mind or notice this; if he did, he kept it to himself. He led the way over to a large, blue structure that stunk of rotting food and sun-kissed garbage. Lostface's nose wrinkled in disgust as Scourge easily slipped underneath the container. Not having much of a choice, Lostface did the same. As she pushed herself through, she discovered that there was dip in the earth large enough so both cats could fit underneath comfortably.

Once she was fully inside and had settled herself, Scourge began to speak. "What do you think?"

Lostface shrugged. "To be honest, I haven't seen much."

Scourge rolled his shoulders and twitched an ear. This comment seemed to displease him. "There isn't much else to show. Out there is our meeting area—whenever a Clan meeting needs to be called, I climb on top of this dumpster and we discuss whatever needs to be discussed. When cats need a favor, they come to me and we speak in this very den."

"Where do the other cats sleep?" Lostface inquired. For a moment, she realized that she wouldn't be surprised if they actually slept out in the elements.

Scourge shrugged. "Anywhere they wish, but this den is reserved for me and me alone."

"I see."

"How different is this setup from that of… your Clan?" he asked. Amusement flashed in his eyes when he referred to ThunderClan, but Lostface struggled to ignore it. Even now, the instinct to defend ThunderClan was still prominent—it had been ingrained in her from a young age and it still had not faded.

"Very different," she replied, trying to sound casual. She didn't intend to tell him the exact differences—no Clan gave personal information to outsiders; it was practically begging for trouble.

"How so?"

"Just the morals in general."

"You mean the morals of honor, loyalty, and having respect for all life?" Scourge asked, almost snickering as he did so.

"Yes, those morals," she answered in a growl.

"The ones that you follow so carefully?"

Lostface faltered for a moment; she had nothing to say to that.

"I know that you don't believe in all that, Lostface. I know that you have felt severe pain, and you want justice for all that you've suffered… It's a reasonable request if you ask me. Your Clan, do they support you? Do they care for you? Do they help you achieve that justice? Or are they the ones who need to be punished?"

Lostface did not know what to say. Was it really that easy to see what the problem was? He was right about all of it, of course, but what exactly did he suggest? That BloodClan could do that for her? "And you think BloodClan would?"

His whisker's twitched in amusement as he watched her. "I'm saying that BloodClan can help you."

She looked back on all the times her Clan had ignored her. She remembered how Cloudtail had dismissed her so quickly and turned on her. They did not deserve to live. Every single member of ThunderClan was a traitor in her eyes, and they had to be eliminated. Lostface closed her eyes for a moment, seriously considering Scourge's offer. He could help her. He could make them all go away with just a twitch of the tail. It seemed too good to be true… There had to be a catch.

"I know you aren't doing this out of the goodness of your heart," Lostface meowed, opening her eyes and meeting his gaze. "What do you want in return?"

"I—BloodClan would love to welcome you as a warrior."

She didn't need a further explanation. She was making a deal with the devil—selling her soul so they could commit an atrocious deed. Brightpaw would have been repulsed. Brightpaw would have refused. Brightpaw would have gone back to camp and told Swiftpaw all about it. Brightpaw would have never even considered making such a deal.

But Brightpaw was gone now.

Lostface took a deep breath. She was going to agree—she was going to become an indentured servant to BloodClan for the rest of her life… and she was okay with that. But suddenly… suddenly something sparked inside her—Uncertainty? Regret? Fear?—that made her stop. She couldn't make this decision right now. She had to sleep on it at the least.

"I'll think about it."

* * *

A/N: MWAHAHA BloodClan's Wrath reference.


	13. Pt 2 - Chapter 5: The Voice

_Beautiful Insanity - Part 2: Chapter 5_

* * *

**2.5 – тнє νσιcє**

* * *

"How did you get so many scratches?" Cinderpelt demanded. The crippled she-cat limped back and forth from Lostface to the herb storage, muttering curses under her breath. Her limp leg made things more than difficult, but she seemed especially agitated that evening.

Lostface shrugged, trying to remain casual. "I was just… really upset that Firestar didn't change my name so I ran and… and I guess I just didn't notice that I was getting torn up," she mewed before looking out into the camp. Twilight had descended upon the forest, casting long shadows onto the ThunderClan camp. Storm clouds gathered in the north and were slowly being blown in their direction. In the midst of the gloom, Lostface was trapped, sitting in the medicine cat den, pondering Scourge's offer.

Cinderpelt narrowed her eyes dangerously as she staggered over to the younger cat, her jaws full of marigold. She spat out the golden plant and sat down awkwardly, growling all the while. "And as for that fool," she muttered, shaking her head. "I told Firestar that he broke your heart today. I even threatened him myself! The tom should be ashamed of himself! Leaving a poor she-cat like yourself to suffer with that wretched title for the rest of your life…"

_Maybe I will ask them to spare Cinderpelt,_ Lostface resolved. If there was one cat that had treated her with kindness, and looked upon her without fear, it was Cinderpelt. She did more for me than any of the others. She cared. She tried to make me feel better… _It would be nice if she and I just lived alone somewhere… Two sisters happily living out their lives in the middle of a forest._ The thought seemed almost too good to be true. Deep down, Lostface knew that Cinderpelt would never consent to it. She loved ThunderClan and all of its members as if they were her kits. Leaving Cinderpelt alive would hurt her more than help her; she'd rather be dead with the rest of them than alive and without them.

"Don't you worry your little head about it, Brightpaw," Cinderpelt tried to reassure. "I will speak to Firestar the moment I am done tending to you. I'll give that fox-heart a piece of my mind…" she trailed off, grumbling incoherent words. Lostface could definitely tell that she was Yellowfang's apprentice. The old ThunderClan medicine cat had clearly passed on more than just her knowledge to her apprentice.

Cinderpelt chewed the marigold into a pulp before spitting them on Lostface's wound. The mutilated she-cat shuddered as the slimy poultice collided with her fur and began to seep into the open scratches. "Honestly, Lostface, how could you not feel this?" Cinderpelt meowed rhetorically.

_I did feel it,_ Lostface thought sadly, but she was referring to something else. _I felt every puncture, every stab in the back, every wound. I felt that massive hole that was gouged right through my chest. I felt it scrape out my heart and I watched as the cats I loved stomped on it right in front of me. Yes, Cinderpelt; I felt all of it._

It didn't take long for the gray she-cat to finish applying the mixture. "Alright now," she mewed softly. Her blue eyes held warmth and sympathy that Lostface both craved and despised. "You just lie down in your nest while I go talk to Firestar."

Lostface did as she instructed, too tired to hold any kind of contempt. Once she was settled, Cinderpelt limped past her and out of the den entirely. In her wake, Lostface lay, resting her head on her paws and pondering the day's events. She relived the slaughtering of Jasmine and felt no remorse. She then thought about Scourge's offer, but was too exhausted to fantasize about her Clan-mates dying before her eyes. All she could do was sit there and stare at the wall of the den. Her entire body was full of smoldering pain that was not a result of the scratches.

She wanted it to end.

All she wanted was for the pain to go away.

Why was it so difficult? Why couldn't it just ebb away?

Why couldn't she fade away?

_It can go away, Lostface,_ a voice in her head whispered darkly.

_No it can't. Even if I do kill every single member of ThunderClan single-pawed, the pain would still exist. Nothing can remedy it… Nothing can mend or sew these injuries,_ what was left of Brightpaw replied.

_I can make it go away._

Lostface was uncertain what to make of the conversation that was going on inside her brain. What was this involuntary voice that kept murmuring things that… seemed too good to be true? It had been there when she killed Fernpaw and Ashpaw. It had also spurred her onward when she was hesitating outside Jasmine's garden. Could this voice even be trusted?

She took the bait. _How?_

_Just let go, Lostface. Let go of Brightpaw. Let go of yourself and welcome me into your life. I will think for you. I will make the decisions. You don't need to worry anymore. You won't feel any more pain, and we will make those mouse-brained fools suffer!_

The offer seemed so surreal… so… unbelievable. It sounds impossible.

_Nothing is impossible, Lostface. You've already proven that. What do you say?_

Lostface thought for the longest time. What was she agreeing to? Was she seriously about to trade away the last ounce of her mortality for… impunity? Was something like this even possible? Was this voice being truthful? Was this voice even a part of her? Or was it something else, something much darker?

She had no idea.

But she knew that the opportunity wouldn't come again.

She knew that this was her only chance.

_Do what you have to do._


	14. Pt 2 - Chapter 6: Lost in the Madness

_Beautiful Insanity - Part 2: Chapter 6_

* * *

**2.6 - ℓσѕт ιη тнє мα∂ηєѕѕ**

* * *

_You know what you have to do,_ the voice told her.

Lostface was standing at the entrance of Firestar's den, her heart pounding. For a moon she had been planning this confrontation; she had it all planned out in her mind. She knew what she would say, when she would say it, and even had created different answers for different questions he may ask. It was time. The steady pounding of her heart was like a war drum; her breathing matched its steady, clipped pace and her paws itched to do the same. She wouldn't have been surprised if Firestar had heard her all the way from inside the den.

"Firestar?" she called. Lostface was stunned at how feminine and fragile her voice sounded. On the inside, she had almost officially evolved into a cold-blooded killer, but on the outside, she still looked like Brightpaw… with her face torn off.

A pair of green eyes appeared in the shadows, glowing with iridescence. "Lostface," he greeted her. He spoke her name without a trace of remorse.

_The arrogant tom doesn't even realize the pain he's caused us! He doesn't know what he did to us, _the voice snarled.

"What can I do for you?"

Lostface tensed slightly before a wave of relieve washed over her. It was almost as if the voice inside her head was trying to comfort and relax her. "I need to speak with you."

The fiery tom raised his eyebrows curiously before beckoning her into his den. "Come on, make yourself at home," he mewed, slipping out of site.

Lostface entered and was swallowed by the darkness. Looking to the right, she spied the mossy nest where her leader and his mate, Sandstorm, slept. The ginger tom was now sprawled across it lazily, his tail twitching and bright fur glimmering in the half-light. His emerald eyes followed her everywhere. "What is it you need to speak with me about?"

The fear had been expelled from her body. "I wish to leave ThunderClan."

Her leader's eyes widened in astonishment, and his entire being tensed. "You… you're…" he stuttered for a moment, struggling to become articulate. After what seemed like an eternity, he nodded. He wasn't even looking at her, but some invisible spec on the floor of the den. "Very well, Lostface," he mewed, raising his gaze to hers at last. "May I inquire as to why?"

_Oh I will tell you why!_ She didn't even know if the voice had said that, or if she had voluntarily thought it. "I don't feel like I belong here anymore. Ever since the… attack and… ever since Swiftpaw died, I've felt out of place here. The cats I've grown up with aren't my friends anymore, and my family doesn't even acknowledge my existence. Leaf-bare is practically upon us and I can't hunt or fight… I'd be more of a liability than an asset if I stayed."

Sympathy flashed in Firestar's eyes and Lostface despised it. _How dare he pity us!_ the voice thought venomously. _If only he knew what we were capable of. We could kill him right now if we tried!_

"Very well, Lostface," Firestar mewed resignedly. "I understand not fitting in—it was like that for me when I first came to ThunderClan. No one truly accepted me… well except for Graystripe. Even then I had to prove myself every day. All I can do is ask you to reconsider, but I cannot make you stay."

_No. You can't._ "It won't do any good to ask me," Lostface replied fluently. She had rehearsed answers to such a response. "I've made up my mind."

"Where will you go?" the tom inquired.

"I'm not sure," she lied. "Somewhere else." She knew exactly where she would go: the Twolegplace. Once there, she would search for Scourge and inform him of her decision.

Firestar dipped his Clan. "Do you wish for me to announce this to the Clan?" he asked.

_If you didn't no one would have even noticed that we were gone_! the voice said with a cynical tone. Lostface couldn't agree more, but she was no faced with a dilemma. Should she let Firestar alert the Clan of her departure? Should she sit there beneath Highrock and listen to the shocked murmurs of her Clan-mates as they watched her with masks of sympathy and eyes full of crocodile tears? No. It would be even more humiliating.

"No. I wish to leave quietly. I will tell Cinderpelt and then I will be gone," she answered. Suddenly, her heart became leaden, as if she was regretting this decision, or dreading her future alone. Was this Brightpaw using whatever power she had left to try to make Lostface reevaluate her options? Lostface was uncertain, but she knew that Brightpaw was still inside her, still trying to steer her away from the voice's enticing cons.

The ThunderClan leader dipped his head. "Very well. Goodbye Lostface… I am sorry things had to be this way."

Suddenly, Brightpaw spoke up: _Me too, Firestar. Me too._

* * *

When Lostface told Cinderpelt about her decision to leave ThunderClan, the medicine cat hadn't been the least bit surprised. Lostface was slightly bewildered until she realized that Cinderpelt understood her better than anyone. _She knows what it's like to be in such pain. She knows what it's like to be abandoned and have no one to turn to… When she got hit by a monster, the entire Clan abandoned her… She was alone. But she didn't give up. She stayed strong. She fought every day of her life, and she's still fighting… I guess that I'm not the kind of cat that fights. I've given up… I've given in to the beast within and now there is no escaping… But who says I want to flee? Who says I want to have a normal life like Cinderpelt? Maybe I want to get lost in the madness… Lost in the beautiful insanity that has become my cradle. It wrapped its tail around me and comforted me. It gave me someone to talk to, and it taught me how to avenge myself. It taught me how to be strong… But am I strong? Am I strong because I found a way to help myself? Or am I weak because I succumbed to this monster?_

"I will give you some travelling herbs for your journey," Cinderpelt meowed, padding over to her stores.

Lostface shook her head. "That's alright. I don't need them, plus I would be taking herbs that aren't mine to take. I'm no longer a ThunderClan cat, remember?"

Cinderpelt's eyes narrowed slightly, as if that fact upset her. "But you are still my sister. And as a medicine cat, is my duty to help all cats. Boundaries do not exist for us. Take the herbs, Lostface," she mewed simply, preparing a small bundle for the younger cat to eat.

Knowing better than to protest, Lostface did as Cinderpelt said and lapped up the bitter leaves. Once all the leaves were gone, Cinderpelt seemed satisfied. Lostface turned to leave, but stopped as she felt her sister's tail rest on her shoulder. She turned to see Cinderpelt standing there, tears brimming in her otherwise clear blue eyes. They shared no words and communicated only with their eyes; the way sisters and best friends were able to speak to each other. There was a connection there—one so deep that next to no one understood, but it existed nonetheless.

Lostface felt the urge to say something. She suddenly wanted to explain everything to her. She wanted to spill the beans right there—break down and tell her everything. But the voice kept her in check. The voice controlled her—it constrained her emotions and allowed little to show. The voice was her boss—her ruler, her leader. She followed its orders, obeyed its commands no matter what the circumstances. She was truly a servant.

For a moment, the sisters just stood there, looking into one another's eyes. Perhaps Cinderpelt saw the emotion in Lostface's one eye. Maybe she saw the truth in her soul… or maybe she saw the evil, the corruption, the darkness there… Had she figured it out? Did she know that Lostface had killed Fernpaw and Ashpaw? Lostface couldn't bear to think of Cinderpelt ever finding about her horrible deeds. Maybe it would be better to kill her now… End her life before the chaos starts… she thought. But the voice disagreed. The voice forced her to move on and walk right out of the medicine cat den.

Lostface found Cloudtail in the warriors' den. The large white tom lay in a nest close to the entrance. The slight rise and fall of his flanks told Lostface that he was asleep. _We will have to remedy that situation, won't we?_ the voice thought deviously.

Smirking, Lostface unsheathed her claws and sank them into the white tom's tail. The warrior's eyes opened wide and he let out a surprised yowl. Lostface quickly pulled her paw away and sheathed her claws, hiding any evidence that she had done it purposefully. "I'm sorry," she mewed. Unlike the time she'd spoken to Firestar, she wanted to sound small and fragile here. She wanted to look weak in front of him.

Cloudtail hissed and licked his tail. "Watch where you're going!" he growled. Lostface shot a glance at where she'd attacked and, luckily, saw no blood oozing from the wound. "That hurt."

_Oh boohoo!_ the voice sneered unsympathetically.

Lostface shifted with fake nervousness. "Cloudtail, since you're up, there's been something I've wanted to talk to you about," she whispered in a small voice.

The white tom rolled his eyes in exasperation. "What?"

"Can we go for a walk and talk about it then?" she asked. She couldn't do it in camp… Too many witnesses…

Cloudtail faltered for a moment, clearly unsure if this was a good idea. After a while, he gave in, nodding. "Fine. Let's just make this fast, huh?"

I don't think we will, the voice thought maliciously. I think we will drag this out for as long as we can. We will make you suffer. You—the one who hurt us the most out of every single cat in this Clan—will perish under our claws. We will make sure you feel the pain we felt when you broke our heart—when you destroyed us!

"Let's go," Lostface replied simply. She twitched her remaining ear and padded out of the warriors' den. She heard Cloudtail emerge behind her, and it didn't take long for the fluffy tom to reach her side. Lostface felt the eyes of her Clan-mates on her as she and Cloudtail exited the camp. It took all her self-control to not smile at the thought of it all.

They had no idea this was the last time they would be seeing Cloudtail.

However, it was not the last time they'd be seeing her.

_Oh no,_ the voice cackled inside her head. _They will be seeing us very soon. Only then will they see us in our true form. Then we will have our revenge. But first, we need to deal with this piece of fox-dung._

Lostface silently acknowledged the voice and padded on, leading the unsuspecting Cloudtail toward the Twolegplace.


	15. Pt 2 - Chapter 7: Beautiful Insanity

_Beautiful Insanity - Part 2: Chapter 7_

* * *

**2.7 - вєαυтιƒυℓ ιηѕαηιту**

* * *

When the two cats reached the large, white fence that separated barbarianism from domestication. Even though Lostface would soon permanently crossing over into the realm of the domesticated cats, it didn't mean that she wasn't just as feral as before. And, surprisingly, the cats of the Twolegplace seemed to be more barbaric than those living in the forest. Ironic how things actually turn out.

Cloudtail seemed to be getting rather unnerved that she had brought him here. Lostface could only imagine what thoughts were pulsing through his mind. She loved his torment. She loved seeing his breathing increase and practically hearing his heart pound in his chest. Oh, she would enjoy this.

"Why did you bring me here?" he demanded. The cat who she had once had romantic feelings for—the tom who had once promised he would do anything for her—looked upon her with pure hatred. His voice was laced with venom and there was no trace in his eyes of the affection that once thrived there. He had evolved—changed so much since the accident. He'd grown colder… Harder… He'd isolated himself from her and completely refused to acknowledge her existence.

He hurt her.

So bad.

"I brought you here to show you something," Lostface replied simply. Her voice was completely void of emotion; he wasn't the only one who'd gotten colder. _If only you knew, Cloudtail… But then again, you soon will._

"You said you wanted to talk!" Cloudtail snarled, his tail lashing.

"And we will talk," she replied, turning to leap over the fence. However, before she could, Cloudtail rushed in front of her. His once warm, welcoming blue eyes were now as hard and as cold as ice shards.

"I am not going anywhere with you until you tell me what in the name of StarClan is going on, Lostface!" he growled.

Sniffing indignantly, Lostface sat back on her haunches, gazing at him evenly. "Very well. I killed the kittypet."

It took a few moments for Cloudtail to register her words. For a moment, he didn't perceive the gravity of her words, but after a few seconds, the realization dawned on him. Lostface relished the look of horror on his face as he finally figured out what she meant. "Jasmine…" he breathed.

"Yes. Your precious mate," Lostface sneered, but, for some strange reason, it didn't feel like herself. It was as if the voice had taken over—the voice inside her head was speaking aloud to Cloudtail. For the first time, she felt small… puny. As if she was just a pawn in a game of chess that she wasn't even controlling herself anymore.

Pure rage illuminated the tom's sky-blue eyes, but his voice held no determinable anger. However, Lostface could sense it there, simmering and just waiting to rise to a full boil and blow the lid. "Why?" he asked, his limbs trembling.

The voice took over her again. "I wanted you to feel the pain I felt when you left me! You left me when I needed you most! Everyone turned away from me—me! Lostface. The mutilated monster. No one gave two mouse tails about me! But I thought you would. I thought you cared, and I thought that you would be there to hurt me but you weren't!" While she spoke, her voice had faded from a furious growl to a pitiful whimper. Tears brimmed in her eyes and unruly emotions ravaged her body. She hadn't realized how strongly she felt about this… All this time she had been trying to subdue her emotions—find an antidote for her pain, but she had just been shirking the truth.

This was hurting her.

Badly.

The voice had faded now and allowed the overwhelming pain and suffering of both Lostface and Brightpaw to do the work. The memories—memories of her being normal flooded back to her: sitting in the apprentices den sharing trivial stories with her den-mates; sharing tongues with Cloudtail after he became a warrior; Swiftpaw licking her cheek and calling her beautiful; Swiftpaw whispering in her ear that he loved her; Cloudtail fighting for her affections; Cloudtail saying that no matter who she chose, he would always be there.

_Liar._

For the first time in a long time, Cloudtail's eyes softened. He looked at her with a look of genuine remorse. "Lostface… Lostface I'm sorry…" he whispered. His voice was barely audible, but Lostface could hear the blatant agony. "I never meant for this to happen… I didn't realize that you even felt this way…"

"Why wouldn't I feel this way?" Lostface shouted. She wasn't listening to the voice, or Brightpaw anymore. Her heart was demanding an answer. "Selfishly, you turned away. You abandoned me to go play with your little mate that eats Twoleg slop!"

Cloudtail flinched as if her words had sliced through him like claws. "Lostface… it wasn't my intention… StarClan knows the last thing I wanted was to hurt you. When I first saw you the day Firestar brought you back, I was horrified. Absolutely horrified. I was terrified that you'd die before moonhigh, but you didn't. You survived. You were strong Lostface—so strong. You're probably the strongest cat I've ever met… And then Bluestar gave you this horrible name…" he trailed off angrily. "I will never forgive her for that. You deserve so much more, Lostface. So much more."

She narrowed her eyes, not believing a word of it. "If this is how you truly feel then why did you treat me like dirt?" she hissed.

He sighed. "I… I didn't know if you still loved Swiftpaw or not… I was afraid that if I tried to get too close to you, you'd get angry with me… So I distanced myself from you, giving you space to grieve for Swiftpaw and get over this… But then I met Jasmine."

Lostface's lips curled back in a snarl at the mention of the unlucky kittypet.

"I was going to visit Princess—my mother. I wanted to talk to her about the Clan… and about you. I wanted to see if she had any advice for me. But… but when I met Jasmine… Something inside my just changed. She was all I wanted—all I needed. As long as I was with her, I was content at never setting paw in that forest again. I was in love with her… But then Firestar forbid me to see her. I had to lay low… Prove that I was loyal to the Clan. Then I could go back and see her… But I haven't had the chance since Firestar found out and now…"

"Now she's dead," Lostface finished bluntly.

He winced. "I'm sorry Lostface. I truly, truly am. I don't expect you to forgive me for all that I've done to you… But please try to realize that I can't control who I fall in love with… And I was in love with Jasmine. Not you."

Lostface suddenly realized the truth in his words: sometimes you can't control who you fall in love with. Suddenly, something powerful stirred within her. It was so strong… as if her heart had swelled up like a helium balloon and suddenly popped sending shards splintering in every direction. Suddenly, Brightpaw spoke. "But I loved you."

"No," Cloudtail replied sharply. There was a bitterness in his voice that Brightpaw didn't understand, but Lostface knew all too well. "You didn't love me; you loved Swiftpaw.

Brightpaw struggled for words. She suddenly felt as if this was a horrible idea. _You should have kept your stupid mouth shut!_ the voice snarled angrily. "I did love Swiftpaw, but I loved you too."

_You shut up!_ Brightpaw replied coldly. _You promised us salvation, but you only brought us more trouble! We could have been fine; we could have ended up like Cinderpelt, but no. You had to interfere. You ruined us!_

"You used both of us!" Cloudtail hissed accusingly. "Whenever you and Swiftpaw would fight, you'd come running to me! The minute I said something—even if it was a joke—you'd go run to Swiftpaw. You played with our hearts like they were mice, Lostface!"

_Enough of this!_ the voice shouted over all of the other voices. _Kill him for us, Lostface! Kill him now!_

_No! You know that you don't want to do this!_ Brightpaw pleaded.

Cloudtail was talking. The voice was talking. Brightpaw was talking. Everyone was giving their opinion—everyone except for Lostface. Lostface was lost in this myriad of voices, not able to use her own. Feeling almost frozen while all of this went on, she could only form one coherent thought: _Swiftpaw._

"What?" Cloudtail asked, breaking his long speech about how selfish she was.

Lostface realized she had spoken aloud. Without the aid of the voice or Brightpaw, she had finally talked. But now that she had done so, she stood there, stock still and staring at Cloudtail in fright. The voice and Brightpaw had left her now and she was greeted with an eerie silence. Moments before, she would have cherished such a precious gift, but now she struggled to keep herself from shaking. Without them, she had no idea what to do. _I don't want to be alone!_ she shouted, begging for the voices to come back. Please come back!

"Swiftpaw wouldn't love you now, Lostface," Cloudtail meowed simply, almost smugly as if he knew some secret she didn't. "He would never love a murderer. No one loves a murderer!"

Lostface felt as if she were in some kind of drug-induced hysteria; without the voices, she was panicking. When she heard Cloudtail say those words, something snapped inside her. It was so similar to the night Fernpaw and Ashpaw were killed… Something just broke inside her as if a rubber band had snapped.

Unsheathing her claws, she lunged toward Cloudtail. The white tom let out a yowl of surprise as she bowled into him, sending him to the ground. The white tom seemed almost paralyzed with a mixture of fear and astonishment. "L- Lost…" he trailed off, his blue eyes widened in terror. "P- Please… D- Don't…"

Lostface waited for the voice to make a snide remark, but it was silent. She was on her own.

She realized how easily she could end his life. All she had to do was bite his throat and then that would be it. Cloudtail would be dead and she could move on with her life. She could go to Scourge, ask him for that favor. Once it was complete, she could kill the fox-heart and sneak away to go somewhere else.

But she couldn't force herself to do it.

Away from the influence of the voice and Brightpaw, she gazed into Cloudtail's fearful eyes. All she could think about was how terrified he looked. For once in a long time, she didn't feel like some rage-filled monster. The only thing she felt was sympathy for the tom who felt her so much pain.

Lostface closed her eye as she retracted her claws and stepped away. She heard Cloudtail scramble to his paws, but he made no move toward her. She opened her eye to see him staring at her with confusion. It looked as if he was expected an explanation—one she wouldn't give. All she could do was stare numbly at her paws before turning away and sprinting off into the shelter of the forest.

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**єη∂ σƒ ραят тωσ**


	16. Pt 3 - Chapter 1: The Real Monster

_Beautiful Insanity - Part 3: Chapter 1_

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**ραят тняєє: ιηѕαηιту**

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**3.1 - тнє яєαℓ мσηѕтєя**

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"This is what you want?" the small, black tom asked for the umpteenth time.

Lostface dipped her head with a surprising amount of reverence. "Yes," she replied sweetly. She was surprised at how… calm she sounded. Of course she had always had a kind of finesse when it came to acting like something she wasn't, but she was still somewhat amazed that she was able to do this now. Her meeting with Cloudtail replayed itself over and over again in the back of her mind. She couldn't escape it.

Brightpaw had been ecstatic that Lostface had let him go. Even though she had tried countless times to deny it, Brightpaw was still the silly, soft, gullible apprentice that was head-over-heels in love with the white-furred warrior. The voice, on the other hand, was absolutely livid when it found out about what she'd done. _You're weak, Lostface! All that we'd done—all that we'd worked for, you just threw away! I promised you that I would make the pain go away, but I can't do that unless you listen to me! Don't you get it?! That miserable bone-bag doesn't deserve to live!_

Scourge dipped his head. "Very well," he meowed. His voice violently yanked Lostface out of her thoughts. She watched, all remorse absent, as Scourge leapt up onto the large, blue dumpster. The BloodClan leader let out a piercing yowl and cats appeared from the shadows. As twilight descended upon the Twolegplace, Lostface suddenly found herself surrounded by the ghostly apparitions of cats as they all gathered to hear Scourge speak.

"Cats of BloodClan!" he addressed the congregation. His voice was clear and almost regal as he perched on the edge of the dumpster, looking down on them with an almost pompous attitude. "Many things must be discussed this night, but first, I would like to welcome our newest member: Lostface!"

It felt like a thousand burning gazes had turned to burn into her pelt. Lostface struggled to keep herself from shaking as these cats of shadow and blood glared at her through narrowed eyes. To Lostface, it felt as though they had been staring at her for an eternity, but in reality, they quickly lost interest in her and turned their attention back to Scourge.

"Lostface, as you might have noticed from her name, is not from the town. She hails from the forest, bringing new, intriguing information along with her. She is from a Clan called ThunderClan," Scourge explained.

"Wasn't that the Clan the brown tabby came from?" Bone spoke up, interrupting Scourge shamelessly.

Lostface waited for the harsh rebuke from the smaller tom, but it never came. "Tigerstar was from ShadowClan, Bone," Scourge replied simply.

Her heart fell to her stomach, and her stomach went to her throat as she listened. Tigerstar had been here? He had spoken with them? _So, I'm not the only cat that's betraying the Clans… but why would Tigerstar work with BloodClan? He hates kittypets, and he wouldn't want the Clans destroyed… He'd just want to take over them… Unless he thinks that BloodClan will help him take them over out of the goodness of their hearts…_

"However, Lostface has an… interesting request of us. She despises her Clan and wants them gone. They have hurt her and abandoned her countless times and she believes it is time justice is served," Scourge explained.

A few BloodClan cats let out yowls of agreement, calling for the blood of her Clan-mates. For a moment, Lostface suddenly felt very out-of-place. How did she end up here? How did she find herself in the midst of all these bloodthirsty murderers?

_You are no better than they are, Lostface,_ the voice reminded her smugly. _You are one of them._

Lostface didn't want to believe it, but she knew that it was true.

What seemed like ages ago, she had seen her reflection in a puddle. She had been absolutely horrified and disgusted with what she had become. She reviled herself, seeing a monster instead of herself.

But what was she now?

She had thought of herself as a monster physically for quite some time, but now she didn't even think about that. She didn't think about her mutilated face, her missing eye, or her missing ear. All she could think about was her revenge; the blood of her Clan-mates staining her fur. Was the monster she had always seen on the outside finally living within? Was she truly a monster now? Not just an ugly cat, but a despicable one? One that deserved to rot in the Dark Forest for the rest of her days?

_It was your choice, Lostface,_[/i] the voice told her darkly. _Now live with it._


End file.
